Donnie Darko quotes

View Quote Dr. Lilian Thurman: If this world were to end, there would only be you... and him... and no one else.

View Quote Gretchen Ross: Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something.
Donnie: What makes you think I'm not?
Gretchen: You're weird.
Donnie: Sorry.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.

View Quote Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you still think about girls a lot?
Donnie: [Under hypnosis] Yeah.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: How are things going at school?
Donnie: I think about girls a lot.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about school, Donnie.
Donnie: I think about ****ing a lot, in school.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: What else do you think about, when you're at school?
Donnie: Married With Children.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you think about your family?
Donnie: I just turn down the volume and think about ****ing Christina Applegate.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about your family.
Donnie: [Chuckling] No, I don't think about ****ing my family, that's gross.

View Quote Principal Cole: What else is there?
Leroy: What else? Principal Cole, I'll SHOW you what else!

View Quote Gretchen: My mom had to get a restraining order against my step dad. He has emotional problems.
Donnie: Oh, I have those too. What kind of emotional problems does your dad have?
Gretchen: He stabbed my mom four times in the chest ...
Donnie: Oh.

View Quote Donnie: How do you do that?
Frank: I can do anything I want. And so can you.

View Quote Donnie: I made a new friend today.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Real or imaginary?
Donnie: Imaginary.

View Quote Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Ronald Fisher: Well we gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Sean Smith: Smurfette?
Ronald Fisher: Mmm-hmm [gulps beer]. Not some like tight-ass Middlesex chick, y'know? Like this cute little blonde that'll get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Sean Smith: [Nods Agreement] Hmm.
Donnie: Smurfette doesn't ****.
Ronald Fisher: That's bullshit. Smurfette ****s all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? It's because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Ronald Fisher: Okay well you know what then, she ****s them while Vanity watches, okay?
Sean Smith: Well what about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get into all the action.
Ronald Fisher: Yeah. What he does: He films the gangbang, later on...he beats off to the tape.
Donnie: [earnestly] First of all: Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette - Gargamel did! She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gangbang scenario - Huh! I - it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual, th-they don't even have...reproductive organs under those little...white...pants. That's what's so illogical, y'know, about being a Smurf. Y'know what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Sean Smith: [sighs] Dammit Donnie wh-why you gotta get so smart on us?

View Quote Donnie: Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver's license but keeps the money inside the wallet. <Scoffs> I-'m sorry Mrs. Farmer. I don't get this.
Kitty Farmer: Just place an X on the Life Line in the appropriate place.
Donnie: No, I mean I know what to do, I just don't get this. You can't just lump things into two categories. Things aren't that simple.
Kitty: The Life Line is divided that way.
Donnie: Life isn't that simple. I mean who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.
Kitty: Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.
Donnie: Okay. But you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account. Like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.
Kitty: If you don't complete the assignment you'll get a zero for the day.

View Quote Principal Cole: Donald let me preface this by saying your Iowa test scores are intimidating... So, let's go over this again, what exactly did you say to Ms. Farmer?
Kitty Farmer: [interrupting] I'll tell you what he said - he asked me to forcibly insert the Lifeline exercise card into my anus!

View Quote Emily Bates: Mom said the school is closed today because it's flooded, and there's feces everywhere!
Susie Bates: What are feces?
Emily Bates: Baby mice.
Susie Bates: Aww.

View Quote [Donnie tries to kiss Gretchen and she pulls away]
Donnie: Well I-I, sorry I...
Gretchen: Donnie wait...
Donnie: I like you a lot...
Gretchen: I just want it to be... at a time when... it...
Donnie: When what?
Gretchen: When it reminds me just...
Donnie: When it reminds you of how beautiful the world can be?
Gretchen: Yeah... [turns her head] and right now there's some fat guy over there staring at us.

View Quote Donnie: Well look, um... uh... you wanna go with me?
Gretchen: Where do you wanna go?
Donnie: No, I mean like go with me, like you know... like, that's what we call it here... going together...
Gretchen: Sure
[pauses for a moment, turns and walks away]
Donnie: Ok-hey where're you going?
Gretchen: I'm going home.

View Quote Samantha Darko: Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks.
Donnie: When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face.

View Quote Kitty Farmer: I want to know why pornography is being taught in our school!
Rose Darko: Excuse me, do you even know who Grahame Greene is?
Kitty Farmer: I think that we have all seen Bonanza