Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story quotes

88 total quotes (ID: 167)

Dwight
Patches O'Houlihan
Pepper
Peter La Fleur
Steve the Pirate
White Goodman


Cotton: It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
Pepper: That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.


Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

[Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
Patches: You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Gordon: Yes sir, I sure do.

[Deep breath in] I love the smell of queef in the morning!

Let's not find ourselves shackled by the bonds of employer-employee relations. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case I got some shackles in the back. Just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.

Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.

And can someone catch a god-damn ball! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to **** a doorknob out there!

[Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
Peter: I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Girl Scout: Why would you hit a girl? Why?
Peter: I'm so sorry, really.
[another girl scout whacks Peter out with a ball]
Girl Scout: In your face! IN YOUR FACE!
Peter: You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.

I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed.

An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be..

Ball me Blazer.

Donde Esta La Biblioteca, Pedro?

Cram it up your cram hole!

Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a ****-flavoured lollipop!

Well, isn't that convenient for you... and the clock!