Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story quotes

88 total quotes (ID: 167)

Dwight
Patches O'Houlihan
Pepper
Peter La Fleur
Steve the Pirate
White Goodman


We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!


[Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
Peter: I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Girl Scout: Why would you hit a girl? Why?
Peter: I'm so sorry, really.
[another girl scout whacks Peter out with a ball]
Girl Scout: In your face! IN YOUR FACE!
Peter: You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.

Yeh, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business. It's a metaphor. But that actually happened though.

Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.

[Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
Patches: You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Gordon: Yes sir, I sure do.

And can someone catch a god-damn ball! It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to **** a doorknob out there!

An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be..

Let's not find ourselves shackled by the bonds of employer-employee relations. Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case I got some shackles in the back. Just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.

Peter: Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris: Thank you Peter.

Donde Esta La Biblioteca, Pedro?

Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

Peter: You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Justin: Yeah, why?
Peter: Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.

Ball me Blazer.

Peter: I think the lady asked you to leave.
White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter: Not nearly as much as your hair does.

Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a ****-flavoured lollipop!