Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story quotes

88 total quotes

Peter La Fleur
Steve the Pirate
White Goodman

View Quote Announcer: During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
Girl Scout: God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Bernice: [begins crying in a deep voice]

View Quote I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude... and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman.

View Quote Yeh, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business. It's a metaphor. But that actually happened though.

View Quote Kate: Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Dwight: Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Kate: Nice, Dwight.
Dwight:I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.

View Quote They got guys named Laser, Blazer, Taser and all other kinds of 'asers'!

View Quote [after watching Gordon throw a ball that missed a slowly moving target]
Patches: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! You gotta get MEAN! That's the only way you can win!
Gordon: Well, I guess I'm not really an angry person.
[Patches punches Gordon in the crotch and watches as he collapses]
Patches: Are you angry now?

View Quote I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies. But let me show you something that gets lost in the translation. [opens briefcase revealing single stack of bills]

View Quote [Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] ****bait, go ahead.
Justin: Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?!
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]

View Quote Oh, now he's a philosophizer.

View Quote Peter: Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter: I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: I'm not sure where you are going with this.
Peter: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to you.
Peter: Okay.
White Goodman: Touch?.

View Quote Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.

View Quote Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

View Quote White Goodman: This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Peter: Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
White Goodman: And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!

View Quote We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!

View Quote Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a ****-flavoured lollipop!