Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story quotes

88 total quotes (ID: 167)

Dwight
Patches O'Houlihan
Pepper
Peter La Fleur
Steve the Pirate
White Goodman


Announcer: During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
Girl Scout: God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Bernice: [begins crying in a deep voice]


I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude... and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman.

Kate: Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Dwight: Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Kate: Nice, Dwight.
Dwight:I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.

[after watching Gordon throw a ball that missed a slowly moving target]
Patches: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! You gotta get MEAN! That's the only way you can win!
Gordon: Well, I guess I'm not really an angry person.
[Patches punches Gordon in the crotch and watches as he collapses]
Patches: Are you angry now?

Oh, now he's a philosophizer.

Kate: Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce: I wouldn't miss this for the world!
Kate: You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
Dwight: I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter: Wow, good call.
Kate: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter: You're not?
Kate: No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Dwight: Oh, snap!

Hold your phone, she's got a cannon!

[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Justin: Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?!
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]

Peter: Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter: I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: I'm not sure where you are going with this.
Peter: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to you.
Peter: Okay.
White Goodman: Touch?.

I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies. But let me show you something that gets lost in the translation. [opens briefcase revealing single stack of bills]

White Goodman: This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Peter: Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
White Goodman: And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!

Cotton: It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself.
Pepper: Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton.

They got guys named Laser, Blazer, Taser and all other kinds of 'asers'!

Cotton: It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
Pepper: That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.

We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!