Betty: Don't you find it funny that every man in this neighborhood has a penis? [giggles]
Vaughn: Well, not really, Betty.

Big Ethel: Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? One nymphomaniac in the family is bad enough, but two?!
Vaughn: It's a disease, Big Ethel.
Big Ethel: Bein' a whore is a disease?!

Big Ethel: We're having a decency rally.
Resident: You'd better start in your own back yard then. I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home!
Big Ethel: That's not true! My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex!

Decency Rally Attendant: Look, I'm not a prude, I'm married to an Italian.
Old Woman: I seen you, Sylvia Stickles. Showin your pewbic patch to the bus driver! You should move downtown where you belong, ya whore!
Cow Patty: [upon seeing Big Ethel] Wow, a tranny bear!
Doctor: Sylvia, you have what is known as a runaway vagina.
Paige: Admit to God you are a whore. Make a list of all the people you've fucked, and apologize to their parents.
Dora: All this yelling's giving me a Swedish headache. You know what I mean? Horny! Nothing wrong with beating the beaver once in a while.
Caprice: Let my mother's pussy be!
Sex Addicts Group: HALT! Horny! Anal! Lustful! TITTIES!

Dora: Ever take a roofie?
Sylvia: NO!
Dora: Me neither. I'm afraid I'd stay home and date-rape myself all night long!

Driver: Hurry up! I've got a hot date!
Sylvia: What, at 7 am?! What's the matter with you?
Female Driver: You'd have a date too if you wore some makeup!

Officer Alvin: I'm an adult baby, Sylvia. You want to be my Mommy?
Ray Ray: Adult babies are into age regression. They intensely eroticize being infants, and, sometimes they like to be burped.
Officer Alvin: I'm a big boy! And I'm beyond the law.

Papa Bear: We're husky, we're hairy, we're homosexual, and out of the second closet!
Mama Bear: And we can cuddle all night!

Sylvia: You were convicted of indecent exposure for the third time!
Caprice: I was promoting the art of dance!
Sylvia: With nude loitering? Nude and disorderly conduct? Nude drunken driving?!
Caprice: I was not DRUNK! I was on PILLS!
Sylvia: Something is the matter with you, Caprice!
Caprice: You are SUCH a neuter, mother! And neuters will never understand!
Sylvia: Something is the matter with your vagina!

Vaughn: Good morning Big Ethel.
Big Ethel: What's good about a morning with dildos in it?
Shopper: Amen to that! My husband's on Viagra!
Big Ethel: Oh you poor thing!
Shopper: Every minute he wants it!
Marge: He has no right to be that hard!
Shopper: I'm Viagra-vated and I'm not going to take it anymore!

A concussion is a terrible thing to waste.

A man has needs, Sylvia! Marital needs!

Can't you see I'm cooking scrapple!

Did you see those new neighbours moving in? Grown men with hairy legs prancing around half-naked? "We're bears." What the hell is that supposed to

Filthy little hedges, growing all dirty! Makes me sick!