Bob Haldeman: I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two.

Bob Haldeman: You wanna complain about Vietnam? Talk to Johnson!

Chip: [After sticking himself with an election pin] Figures that the pain in my ass is Nixon, the fascist.

G. Gordon Liddy: [Surprised by Betsy and Arlene in the Watergate stairwell] Children! Running around, all hours of the night! When you kids grow up, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!

Mrs. Spinnler: Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.

Arlene Lorenzo: How dare those people treat us like we're stupid teenage girls.
Betsy Jobs: We are stupid teenage girls.
Arlene Lorenzo: No. We're human beings, and we're American citizens. And four score and seven years ago our forefathers... did something. I don't know what. But I do know one thing - Dick's ass is grass!

Betsy Jobs: Are you, like, the President's Dog Walker?
John Dean: I'm John Dean. Chief White House Counsel.
Betsy Jobs: Oh, That's too bad.

Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.
Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop." He "does his business."

Betsy Jobs: You're the smartest person I know.
Arlene Lorenzo: But you don't know anybody...

[A current affairs program opens the movie]
Interviewer: In 1974, President Richard M. Nixon was forced to resign in shame following the 'Watergate' Scandal. One of the great mysteries of this event was the identity of 'Deep Throat', the person who broke the story to Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein. Well tonight, we're going to find out. Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, good evening.
Bob Woodward: Good evening.
Carl Bernstein: Good evening.
Interviewer: Let's get straight to it - who is... 'Deep Throat'?
Bob Woodward: Well, first of all, we're not telling you. And second of all, I thought I was going to be the only guest on tonight's show?
Carl Bernstein: [Bitchy] Well I guess you're not, Bob.
Interviewer: You know, you guys are getting pretty old now...
Carl Bernstein: Well, what do you mean by that?!
Interviewer: Well, I was just wondering if you were ever going to reveal who Deep Throat is ever, before you die.
Bob Woodward: Well, a lot bigger names than you have asked us that, so I don't think we're going to reveal it here.
Carl Bernstein: No, not on a little show like this.
Interviewer: [Exasperated] You know what I think? I mean, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I don't think there ever was any such person as 'Deep Throat'. I think y'all just made it up.
Carl Bernstein: Yes there was! Deep Throat was -
Bob Woodward: Don't say it!! He's trying to trick us!
[Bernstein covers his mouth and moans]
Carl Bernstein: [Putting a hand on Woodward's shoulder] I'm sorry...
Bob Woodward: [Slapping the hand away] Don't ever touch me.
Carl Bernstein: Bob, I said I'm sorry!
[They begin to have a childish physical fight]
Bob Woodward: Don't... will you... you smell like cabbage!
[They fall over the table; the clip cuts out and the movie opens]

[Arlene and Betsy accidentally meet G. Gordon Liddy again in the White House]
G. Gordon Liddy: Young lady, I am a very busy man...
Betsy: Hey, you look familiar. Have I seen you before?
[Liddy recognises them; his eyes widen]
Betsy: Are you that guy that sells corn dogs at the mall?
G. Gordon Liddy: As far as you are concerned, young lady, I have no identity. In fact, [sinister] I'm not even here...
[He hurries off]
Betsy: He's way weirder than corndog guy.

[To Arlene and Betsy]
Rose Mary Woods: The President is a very busy man. He doesn't just see anyone, you know.
President Nixon: [Exiting the Oval Office, seeing the girls] Ah, hello girls! Come on in.
Rose Mary Woods: The President will see you now.

[When Nixon offers the girls the post of 'White House Dog Walkers]
John Ehrlichman: What's going on? Who are these girls?
Henry Kissinger: I dunno. But it doesn't look constitutional to me.

[After seeing Nixon's "I am not a crook" speech immediately after a threatening call] He's trying to drive me insane!

[Being followed by the President's 'plumbers'] Dick frightens me.