The Departed quotes

View Quote Costello: [about Costigan] Do you trust him?
Mr. French: Well these days, who's reliable?
Costello: His uncle Jackie was. Yeah, you can't trust a guy acts like he's got nothing to lose.
Mr. French: I'm reliable.
Costello: Arnold, you're one in a million.
Mr. French: Ten. Ten million.
Costello: What about your wife, Arnold?
Mr. French: Well, I thought she was.
Costello: [laughing] She wasn't!
Mr. French: Well, she got reliable.
[flashback showing French strangling his wife]

View Quote Costello: I'm going to have my associate search you.
Costigan: No, no one's ****ing searching me. Searching me for what?
Costello: Contra-****ing-band. Take your shoes off.
[French slams Costigan into a chair]
Mr. French: Shoes.
Costello: [to Costigan] I knew your father.
Costigan: Yeah? You know he's dead?
Costello: Oh, sorry. How'd he go?
Costigan: He didn't complain.
Costello: Yeah, that was his problem.
Costigan: Who said he had a problem?
Costello: I just said he had a ****ing problem. There's a man who could have been anything.
Costigan: Are you trying to say he was nothing?
[French slams Costigan onto a pool table and continues his search]
Costello: I'm saying he worked at the airport. Arm.
[French directs Costigan to a pool table, making him hold out his casted arm]
Mr. French: Show me your arm. Flip it. mm-hmmm, mm-hmmm.
[French slams Costigan's arm on the table until the cast breaks, while Costigan screams in pain]
Costello: It makes me curious to see you in this neighborhood. And if I can slander my own environment, it makes me sad. This, uh, regression. Plus, I don't know if it's beyond some ****ing cop prick like Queenan to pull you out of the Staties and send you gift-wrapped to me. I just can't know. I wonder what they do in that particular department, anyway.
[Costello slams on Costigan's broken arm with Costigan's boot]
Costello: [yelling] Are you still a cop?
Costigan: [in severe pain] No!
[Costello whacks his arm again]
Costello: [yelling] Swear on your mother's grave you're still not a cop?!
Costigan: I'm not a ****ing cop!
[Costello whacks his arm again, this time re-breaking it]
Costello: [yelling] Are you going to stop doing coke deals with your jerk-off ****ing cousin?!
Costigan: Yes, yes, yes!!
Costello: Alright, alright. You're okay, you'll be alright. Get your hand taken care of.
[Costello throws down some money]
Costello: I'm sorry, but it was necessary. As for our problem with Providence - let's not cry over some spilled guineas.

View Quote Costello: Have a seat, Bill. Do you know John Lennon?
Costigan: Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln.
Costello: Lennon said, "I'm an artist. You give me a ****ing tuber (tuba), I'll get you something out of it."
Costigan: I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some ****ing money out of it.
Costello: Smart mouth. Too bad. If you'll indulge me--
[Gwen walks through]
Costello: Now what?
Gwen: Choir practice.
Costello: Choir practice. The point I'm making with John Lennon is: a man could look at anything, and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think, "What could I use you for?"

View Quote Costello: How's your mother?
Man in Bar: She's on her way out.
Costello: We all are, act accordingly.

View Quote Costello: [slaps fly] You know what I like about restaurants?
Costigan: The ****ing food? I don't know, what?
Costello: You can learn a lot, watching things eat. [licks fly off palm]

View Quote Madolyn: Here, this is my card.
Sullivan: Nah, I don't need that. I'm a detective. I'll find you.
[elevator door begins to close; Colin reaches out]
Sullivan: No, I'm just kidding, I need the card.

View Quote Lazio: Do you have anyone in with Costello presently?
Dignam: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe **** yourself.

View Quote Sullivan: [Dignam won't let Sullivan past] Problem?
Dignam: Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat ****s like you, okay? I don't like 'em.
Sullivan: The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here.
Dignam: **** yourself, you piece of shit.
Sullivan: And I need the identities of your undercovers.
Dignam: Blow me. Not literally, though, unfortunately there's no promotion involved.

View Quote Queenan: All cell phone signals are under surveillance, due to the courtesy of our Federal friends over there.
Ellerby: Patriot Act, Patriot Act! I love it, I love it, I love it!

View Quote Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Madolyn: You know if you lied, you would have an easier time getting what you wanted.
Costigan: What does that say about what you do for a living?
Madolyn: I just think we should have a few more meetings before we even talk about prescriptions.
Costigan: Look... look, I'm having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a ****ing heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven't slept for ****ing weeks.
Madolyn: Is that true?
Costigan: Yeah, that's true. Alright? I said it was ****ing true. I want some ****ing pills and you're gonna what? You're gonna close my file? Is that what you're going to do?
Madolyn: No, I didn't close your file. I--
Costigan: I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only ****ing here!
Madolyn: You are! You are!
Costigan: Christ. I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You're ****ing ridiculous!
[Madolyn hands Costigan some Valium]
Costigan: [picking up the pills] Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my ****ing head off! Are we done here with this psychiatry bullshit?
Madolyn: You know what? You can leave!
Costigan: What the **** did I just put myself through? I'm ****ing out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it, ****ing hotshot!

View Quote Costello: [about Madolyn] Do you like little Miss Freud sucking on your ****?
Sullivan: Yes, yes, I do.

View Quote [Upon learning the Police have found Delahunt's body and that he was a cop]
Fitzy: I don't believe it.
Mr. French: What can't you believe?
Fitzy: I spent all ****ing night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a ****ing dog ? What ****ing size a dog is that? Has to be a big ****ing dog, man. I spent all night doing it man.
[pause, Frank stares at him]
Fitzy: I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it.
Costello: The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him in the marsh. Not where some guy from John Han**** goes every Thursday to get a ****ing blow job!
[Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him]
Costello: Don't laugh! This ain't Reality TV!

View Quote Costello: Jeez. She fell funny.
[chuckles at the dead bodies]
Mr. French: Francis, you really should see somebody.

View Quote [Costello meets with Sullivan in a porn theater, surprising him with a dildo]
Sullivan: Frank? What the **** is wrong with you?
Costello: [laughing] See anything you like, Colin?
Sullivan: I almost ****ing shot you!
Costello: You're not indulging in self-abuse, are you? I hope you're not turning into one of them sob sisters who wants to get caught. You're not cracking up, are you?
Sullivan: I don't crack up.
Costello: Picking a place like this, where any cop can see you. Jesus.
Sullivan: If it was such a ****ing bad idea, why'd you show up?
Costello: [turning to face Sullivan] I own the place.
Sullivan: I'm not ****ing surprised.
Sullivan: Look, I gotta tell you...
Costello: You're getting re-assigned. I know.
Sullivan: How the **** do you know that?
Costello: Where'd they put you?
Sullivan: Hey Frank, I gotta find myself.
Costello: You're telling me, sonny boy.
Sullivan: I gotta find the guy you got in the department.
Costello: With everybody looking up their own ass, and you looking for yourself, I'd put my money on nobody finds nothing.
Sullivan: I know, but Frank - look, for me, you gotta lay low. Right now.
Costello: Colin, laying low is not what I do.
Sullivan: Okay, ****ing big daddy Frank. ****ing perfect. But what good am I to you if you don't listen to me?

View Quote [In a porn theater]
Sullivan: I can get the rat. You just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.
Costello: Okay.
[hands Sullivan "Citizens Trust" envelope]
Costello: But Colin - I hope I don't have to remind you that if you don't find that cheese-eating rat bastard in your department, most likely it won't be me who suffers for it.
Sullivan: Now why would you have to remind me of that? Would I be any good at what I do if I didn't ****ing already know that? Frank, you gotta trust me. Alright, just trust me Frank. Hey, it ****ing involves lying and I'm pretty ****ing good at that. Right?
Costello: Maybe because it's always been so easy for me to get ****, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.