Booker: The Canadians are reporting tremendous circulation moving down from the Arctic. In Siberia, there's a low pressure system unlike anything we've ever seen, and Australia just saw the strongest typhoon ever recorded

FOX Anchorwoman: What you're seeing is what's left of downtown Los Angeles

Frank: [After falling through the ceiling of an indoor mall.] I'm fine! Just dropped in to do a little shopping.

Helicopter Pilot: [Trying to restart plummeting helicopter] Come on, you bastard! Come on!

Judith: Books can be good for something other than burning.

Luther: Just another typical day in New York City. Traffic jam ten blocks long! Lookie here, Buddha. These people, and their cars, and their exhaust, and they're just polluting the atmosphere!

NY Businessman: [Sarcastically] Oh, God, I love busses. This is just so much fun. This is going to be… the bomb.

Parker: Have you ever seen the air so clear?

Reporter: And now, in a dramatic reversal of illegal immigration, thousands of people are now crossing the Rio Grande into Mexico. The scene that's unfolding here behind me is one of desperation and frustration. People have abandoned their cars, grabbed their belongings, and they are wading across the river illegally into Mexico.

Brian: You know, statistically, the chance of a plane going down because of turbulence is less than, what, one in a billion? Or is it a million? I can't remember if it's
Laura: Shut up, Brian.

Brian: Man you got some serious competition.
Sam: Please.
Brian: I bet he's really rich too.
Sam: Shut up.

Elsa: What have you got there?
Jeremy: A Gutenberg Bible. It was in the rare books room.
Elsa: You think God's gonna save you?
Jeremy: No, I don't believe in God.
Elsa: You're holding onto that bible pretty tight.
Jeremy: I'm protecting it. [Glares at Sam] This Bible is the first book ever printed. It represents the dawn of the Age of Reason. As far as I'm concerned, the written word is mankind's greatest achievement. You can laugh. But if Western civilization is finished, I'm gonna save at least one little piece of it.

FOX Anchorwoman: [As tornadoes are devastating Los Angeles] Bart, what can you see, is anyone hurt?
Bart: [In helicopter] I wouldn't be surprised, there is so much damage down there; and there are people down there, taking pictures!

J.D.: We're not going to last very long on M&M's and potato chips.
Luther: How 'bout the garbage can? [Judith looks at him, shocked] There's always something to eat in the garbage.

Jack Hall: [On Sam failing calculus] I'm not angry. I'm disappointed.
Sam: Do you wanna hear my side of it?
Jack Hall: Sam, how can there be two sides?
Sam: Hey, look, I got every question right on the final and the only reason why Mr. Spengler failed me was because I didn't write out the solutions.
Jack: Why not?
Sam: I do them in my head.
Jack Hall: Did you tell him that?
Sam: I did. He didn't believe me. He said that if he can't do them in his head then I must be cheating.
Jack Hall: Well, that's ridiculous! How can he fail you for being smarter than he is?
Sam: That's what I said.
Jack Hall: You did? [Smirks] How'd he take it?
Sam: He flunked me, remember?