The Dark Knight quotes

View Quote Batman: [after tying up the Scarecrow, the mobsters, and the fake "batmen"] Don't let me find you out here again.
Fake Batman: We're trying to help you.
Batman: I don't need help!
The Scarecrow: [sarcastically] Not my diagnosis.
Fake Batman: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?!
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads.

View Quote [Alfred, after finding Bruce not in the penthouse and his bed not even slept in, leaves the building and walks to a nearby construction site and enters a giant container, which conceals an elevator that lowers him into the makeshift Batcave–where he finds Bruce stitching up his wounds from the previous night]
Alfred: It'll be nice when the Manor is rebuilt. Then you can swap not sleeping in a penthouse...to not sleeping in a mansion.
[Finally reaches Bruce and sees the poor job he's doing at stitching his wound]
Alfred: Every time you stitch yourself, you do make a bloody mess. [begins to take over and inspect Bruce's work]
Bruce: It forces me to learn from my mistakes.
Alfred: Then you should be pretty knowledgeable by know, sir.
Bruce: My armor, it's carrying too much weight. I need to be faster.
Alfred: [inspecting the wound] I'm sure Mr. Fox can oblige. Did you get mauled by a tiger?
Bruce: [quietly; sheepish] It was a dog.
Alfred: [looks up briefly] Huh?
Bruce: [defensively, motioning with his hand] It was a big dog. There were more copycats last night, Alfred. With guns.
Alfred: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
Bruce: That isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to inspire people.
Alfred: I know. [finishes up] But things have improved. Look at the new district attorney.
Bruce: [focusing on the display of monitors in front of him, on which he brings up various footage of Harvey Dent] I am. Closely. I need to know if he can be trusted.
Alfred: [pointing to a monitor showing video of Dent and Rachel getting out of a cab] Are you interested in his character or his, ah...social circle?
Bruce: Who Rachel spends her time with is her business. [Gets up and walks to a table with a change of clothes]
Alfred: I trust you don't have me followed on my day off.
Bruce: If you ever took one, I might. [takes off his shirt revealing many horrific battle scars]
Alfred: [noticing the scars with a caring look] Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce: Batman has no limits.
Alfred: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce: [putting on a new shirt] Well, can't afford to know 'em.
Alfred: And what's gonna happen on the day that you find out?
Bruce: [buttoning the shirt] We all know how much you like to say: "I told you so."
Alfred: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to...probably.

View Quote Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius: [looking at the business suit Bruce is wearing] Three buttons is a little 90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, so much as function. [Fox inspects the new designs.]
Lucius You want to be able to turn your head.
Bruce Wayne: [dryly] Well, it would make backing out of the driveway easier.

View Quote [Harvey Dent and Rachel are having a quiet date a very expensive upscale restaurant]
Harvey: It took me three weeks to get a reservation. And I had to tell them I work for the government.
Rachel: Really?
Harvey: The City health inspector isn't afraid to pull strings.
Bruce: [appearing seemingly out of nowhere and acting surprised] Rachel! Fancy that.
Rachel: Yeah, Bruce. [skeptically] Fancy that.
Bruce: [introducing the blonde trailing him] Rachel, Natasha. Natasha, Rachel.
Rachel: Natasha? Are you the...
Bruce: Prima ballerina for the Moscow ballet.
Rachel: Wow, Harvey's taking me next week.
Bruce: [thinly veiling a slight insult] Really...so you're into...ballet?
Rachel: Bruce, this is Harvey Dent.
[Harvey and Bruce shake hands]
Harvey: The famous Bruce Wayne. Rachel's told me everything about you.
Bruce: I certainly hope not. So let's put a couple of tables together.
Harvey: [looks around] I don't think they'll let us.
Bruce: Well, they should. I own the place. [motions with his hand for someone to move a table]

View Quote [Lucius is showing Bruce the equipment he will need to successfully abduct Lau in Hong Kong]
Lucius: Now, for high altitude jumps, you're gonna need oxygen and stabilizers. I must say, compared to your usual requests, jumping out of an airplane is pretty straightforward. [opens up a case containing the oxygen mask and tanks]
Bruce: What about getting back into the plane?
Lucius: [looks at Bruce] I'd recommend a good travel agent.
Bruce: Without it landing.
Lucius: Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne.

View Quote Gambol henchman: Yo, Gambol. Somebody's here for you. They say they've just killed the Joker. They brought the body.
[Men walk in carrying Joker, covered from head to toe in trashbags, they place him on the pool table]
Gambol: So, he's dead? That's five-hundred gra...
[Joker suddenly stands, fatally stabbing two of Gambol's henchman as he moves, then hold a knife to Gambol's throat from behind]
Joker: How about alive, hm?
[Grabs Gambol, and a holds a knife to his cheek]
Joker: Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. And one night he comes home crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" So, he comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
[Joker quickly cuts open Gambol's face, off screen]
Joker: [to Gambol's henchmen] Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.

View Quote Alfred: [bringing over champagne] A little liquid courage, sir?
Harvey Dent: You're Alfred, right?
Alfred: That's right, sir.
Harvey Dent: You've known Rachel her whole life?
Alfred: Well, not yet, sir.
Harvey Dent: Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Alfred: Oh, you have no idea.

View Quote Joker: [in the elevator to Bruce's penthouse as the doors open, holding Detective Wuertz at gunpoint in front of him and his men] We made it! [pushing Wuertz from the elevator and firing his shotgun up in the air which results in dead silence] Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Guest: We aren't intimidated by thugs.
Joker: You know, [bangs on the table next to them three times] you remind me of my father. [pulls a knife out and puts it to the man's mouth] I hated my father.
Rachel: Okay, stop!
Joker: [noticing Rachel for the first time and saunters towards her] Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. See, I had a wife, and she was beautiful...like you, who tells me that I worried too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey. [she squirms, and he forces her to keep looking at him] One day they carve her face. And we got no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So...I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! But now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
[Rachel knees him and pushes him off her]
The Joker: [laughing hysterically from being hit] A little fight in you. I like that.
Batman: [appearing suddenly] Then you're gonna love me. [punches the Joker]

View Quote Bruce Wayne: [watching the tape the Joker broadcast on the news] Killing me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different–they crossed the line.
Alfred: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed and hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. We just need to figure out what he's after.
Alfred: With all due respect, Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that you don't fully understand. When I was in Burma, a long time ago, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we started looking for the stones. But after six months, we couldn't find anyone who had traded with him. One day I found a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing the stones away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

View Quote Batman: [holding Sal Maroni on the edge of a fire escape] I want the Joker.
Sal Maroni: From one professional to another, if you're gonna scare someone, you should learn to pick a better spot. You know, from this height, the fall won't kill me.
Batman: I'm counting on it. [he lets go of Maroni; the mobster lands right on his feet, breaking both legs]
[Batman drops down to the street below using his cape and grabs Maroni by his jacket]
Batman: Where is he?!
Sal Maroni: [laughing in severe pain] No one's gonna wanna talk to you.
Batman: He must have friends!
Sal Maroni: Friends? Have you met this guy? We're wise to your act; you have rules. But the Joker, he has no rules. No one is going to give him up for you. There's only one way to stop him and you know it. Just take off that mask of yours. Or are you gonna let some more people die while you make up your mind?

View Quote Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make–the right choice.
Bruce Wayne: Well, today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today, you get to say, "I told you so."
Alfred: Today I...I don't want to. [they walk to the elevator] But I did bloody tell you. [Bruce laughs] I suppose they'll wanna lock me up, too, as your accomplice. [they get on the lift, which takes them up]
Bruce Wayne: Accomplice? I'm gonna tell them the whole thing was your idea.

View Quote [In the holding tank at the police station, one of the Joker's henchman is complaining of stomach pains]
Henchman: Please, my insides hurt.
Cop #1: I don't really care. Back away.
Henchman: The boss said he'd make the voices go away. He said he'd go inside and replace 'em with bright lights...like Christmas!
Cop #1: You're outta your mind, pal. Back off.
[The henchman collapses onto the ground and starts having convulsions]
Cop #1: We need a medic in the holding tank. Come on, get the door open. [enters the holding tank and yells at the other inmates] You guys back off!
[The medic examines the henchman's belly, which has what appears to be a rectangle-shaped bruise with a wire attached]
Cop #2: What's that? Jeez.
Medic: He's got some kind of a...contusion.

View Quote [The Joker has overpowered Detective Stephens and holds him hostage with a big shard of broken glass to his neck. The other police aim their guns at him.
Cop #3: What do you want?
Joker: [calmly] I just want my phone call.
Cop #3: [confused by the Joker's demand] All right. [throws him a cell phone]
[The Joker dials a number on the phone. Suddenly, in the holding tank, the "contusion" on the henchman's body lights up and begins ringing]
Cop #1: Is that a...phone?
[The phone-triggered bomb in the henchman's stomach explodes, killing or knocking out most of the police in the room. The Joker escapes]

View Quote Bruce Wayne: That bandit in Burma, did you ever catch him?
Alfred: Oh, yes.
Bruce Wayne: How?
Alfred: We burned the forest down.

View Quote Alfred: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
Alfred: The Lamborghini, then. [with deadpan sarcasm] Much more subtle.