Anthony: You have no idea why they put those great big windows on the sides of busses, do you?
Peter: Why?
Anthony: One reason only. To humiliate the people of color who are reduced to riding on 'em.

Anthony: Look around you! You couldn't find a whiter, safer, or better-lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us, dog! Are we dressed like gang bangers? Huh? No. Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it's us: we're the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the trigger-happy LAPD. So, you tell me, why aren't we scared?
Peter: Because we got guns?
Anthony: You could be right.

Graham: [on the phone] Mom, I can't talk to you right now, OK? I'm having sex with a white woman. [hangs up] OK, where were we?
Ria: I was white, and you were about to jerk off in the shower.
[Ria gets out of bed]
Graham: Oh, shit. Come on, I would have said you were Mexican but I don't think it would have pissed her off as much.
Ria: Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?
Graham: Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone.
Ria: That's just where I began to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way?
Graham: Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?
Ria: If I was your father, I'd kick your fucking ass.
Graham: OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?
Ria: You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither of those is Mexico.
Graham: Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?

[After curving off the road during conversation and hitting something, Peter looks under the car.] Peter: Aw... shit, man, we just ran over a Chinaman.
Anthony: You're saying there's a Chinaman under this truck?
Peter: What part of that didn't make sense to you? There's a Chinaman under the fucking truck!
Anthony: Well what did he do just? Just jump out in the middle of the road?
Peter: We gotta pull out of there. I think we can do it by his arms.
Anthony: You pull on that arm and it's gonna come off. Now here's an idea, let's just get back in the car and drive until he falls off.
Peter: Or we can pull him out and drop him off at a hospital.
Anthony: You start pulling on that fool's arm and it's gonna fall off. Then you are gonna be standing in the street holding a Chinaman's arm. Then what's your ass gonna do?
Peter: If we leave him here he dies, then we're up for murder charges. Now how 'bout you just come down here, grab an arm, and help me pull him out, dog?
Anthony: Shit.
[They both start pulling the man out]

Cameron: You know, sooner or later, you are gonna have to find out what it is really like to be black.
Christine: Fuck you man, like you know! The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.
Cameron: Yeah? Well at least I wasn't watching it with the rest of the equestrian team.
Christine: You know what Cameron, you're right. I got a lot to learn 'cause I haven't quite figured out how to shuck and jive yet. Lemme hear it again? "Sorry Mr. Poh-lice Man, you sure is mighty fine to us poor black folk. You sure to let me know next time you wanna finger fuck my wife!"
Cameron: How the fuck do you say something like that to me? You know what? Fuck you.
Christine: That's right, a little anger! It's a little late, but it's nice to see!

Daniel: [To his daughter] She had these little stubby wings, like she could've glued them on, you know, like I'm gonna believe she's a fairy. So she said, "I'll prove it." So she reaches into her backpack and pulls out this invisible cloak and she ties it around my neck. And she tells me that it's impenetrable. You know what impenetrable means? It means nothing can go through it. No bullets, nothing. She told me that if I wore it, nothing would hurt me. And I did. And my whole life, I never got shot, stabbed, nothing. I mean, how weird is that?

Shaniqua: [After being rear-ended] Ahh! Oh, my God. What the hell is wrong with you people? Uh-uh! Don't talk to me unless you speak American!

Anthony: No, no, no, take that voodoo-ass thing off of there right now!
Peter: I know you just didn't call St. Christopher voodoo. Man's the patron saint of travelers, dog.
Anthony: You had a conversation with God, huh? What did God say? Go forth, my son, and leave big slobbery suction rings on every dashboard you find? Why the hell do you do that?
Peter: Look at the way your crazy ass drives, then ask me that again!

Anthony: You see any white people in there waiting an hour and thirty-two minutes for a plate of spaghetti? Huh? And how many cups of coffee did we get?
Peter: You don't drink coffee and I didn't want any.
Anthony: That woman poured cup after cup to every white person around us. Did she even ask you if you wanted any?
Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?

Jean: I am angry all the time... and I don't know why.

Anthony: That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black and black people don't tip. So she wasn't gonna waste her time. Now somebody like that? Nothing you can do to change their mind.
Peter: So, uh... how much did you leave?
Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service?

Shereen: They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?

Jean: [yelling] I just had a gun pointed in my face...
Rick: You lower your voice.
Jean: ... and it was my fault because I knew it was gonna happen. But if a white person sees two black men walking towards her and she turns and walks away, she's a racist, right? Well I got scared and I didn't do anything and ten seconds later I had a gun in my face! Now I am telling you, your amigo in there is going to sell our key to one of his homies and this time it would be really fucking great if you acted like you gave a shit!

Dorri: Listen. You can give me the gun, or give me back the money, and I'm really hoping for the money.

Officer Ryan: [talking on the phone] I wanna speak to your supervisor...
Shaniqua: I am my supervisor!
Officer Ryan: All right well, what's your name?
Shaniqua: Shaniqua Johnson.
Officer Ryan: Shaniqua. Big fucking surprise that is!
Shaniqua: Oh! [hangs up]