Crash quotes

View Quote Officer Ryan: You think you know who you are? [Officer Hanson nods] You have no idea.

View Quote Shereen: They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?

View Quote Jean: I am angry all the time... and I don't know why.

View Quote Shaniqua: [After being rear-ended] Ahh! Oh, my God. What the hell is wrong with you people? Uh-uh! Don't talk to me unless you speak American!

View Quote Anthony: You see any white people in there waiting an hour and thirty-two minutes for a plate of spaghetti? Huh? And how many cups of coffee did we get?
Peter: You don't drink coffee and I didn't want any.
Anthony: That woman poured cup after cup to every white person around us. Did she even ask you if you wanted any?
Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?

View Quote Anthony: That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black and black people don't tip. So she wasn't gonna waste her time. Now somebody like that? Nothing you can do to change their mind.
Peter: So, uh... how much did you leave?
Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service?

View Quote Anthony: Look around you! You couldn't find a whiter, safer, or better-lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us, dog! Are we dressed like gang bangers? Huh? No. Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it's us: we're the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the trigger-happy LAPD. So, you tell me, why aren't we scared?
Peter: Because we got guns?
Anthony: You could be right.

View Quote Jean: [yelling] I just had a gun pointed in my face...
Rick: You lower your voice.
Jean: ... and it was my fault because I knew it was gonna happen. But if a white person sees two black men walking towards her and she turns and walks away, she's a racist, right? Well I got scared and I didn't do anything and ten seconds later I had a gun in my face! Now I am telling you, your amigo in there is going to sell our key to one of his homies and this time it would be really ****ing great if you acted like you gave a shit!

View Quote [After curving off the road during conversation and hitting something, Peter looks under the car.] Peter: Aw... shit, man, we just ran over a ****.
Anthony: You're saying there's a **** under this truck?
Peter: What part of that didn't make sense to you? There's a **** under the ****ing truck!
Anthony: Well what did he do just? Just jump out in the middle of the road?
Peter: We gotta pull out of there. I think we can do it by his arms.
Anthony: You pull on that arm and it's gonna come off. Now here's an idea, let's just get back in the car and drive until he falls off.
Peter: Or we can pull him out and drop him off at a hospital.
Anthony: You start pulling on that fool's arm and it's gonna fall off. Then you are gonna be standing in the street holding a ****'s arm. Then what's your ass gonna do?
Peter: If we leave him here he dies, then we're up for murder charges. Now how 'bout you just come down here, grab an arm, and help me pull him out, dog?
Anthony: Shit.
[They both start pulling the man out]

View Quote Anthony: No, no, no, take that voodoo-ass thing off of there right now!
Peter: I know you just didn't call St. Christopher voodoo. Man's the patron saint of travelers, dog.
Anthony: You had a conversation with God, huh? What did God say? Go forth, my son, and leave big slobbery suction rings on every dashboard you find? Why the hell do you do that?
Peter: Look at the way your crazy ass drives, then ask me that again!

View Quote Graham: [on the phone] Mom, I can't talk to you right now, OK? I'm having sex with a white woman. [hangs up] OK, where were we?
Ria: I was white, and you were about to jerk off in the shower.
[Ria gets out of bed]
Graham: Oh, shit. Come on, I would have said you were Mexican but I don't think it would have pissed her off as much.
Ria: Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?
Graham: Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone.
Ria: That's just where I began to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way?
Graham: Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?
Ria: If I was your father, I'd kick your ****ing ass.
Graham: OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?
Ria: You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither of those is Mexico.
Graham: Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?

View Quote Anthony: You have no idea why they put those great big windows on the sides of busses, do you?
Peter: Why?
Anthony: One reason only. To humiliate the people of color who are reduced to riding on 'em.

View Quote Anthony: You could fill the Staples Center with what you don't know.
Peter: The Kings are playing tonight.
Anthony: You don't like hockey! You just say you do to piss me off!
Peter: ]dejected] I love hockey!

View Quote Lara: I heard a bang.
Daniel: What, like a truck bang?
Lara: Like a gun.
. . .
Lara: How far can bullets go?
Daniel: They go pretty far except usually they get stuck in something and they stop.
Lara: What if they don't?
Daniel: Are you thinking about that bullet than went through your window?

View Quote [After driving the man they struck to the hospital, the chop-shop owner wants to destroy the car Anthony and Peter stole]
Lucien: You watch the Discovery Channel?
Anthony: Not a lot.
Peter: Man, they got some good shit on that channel.
Lucien: Every night there is a show with somebody shining a blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. The next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually WATCHING the Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him. And he still can't figure out how on earth they could've caught him! :[pauses] Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?
Anthony: No.
Lucien: Then get the **** outta my shop.