Outspan Foster: There's a band around called "Free Beer". Always draws a big crowd.
Derek: I like "A Flock of Budgies".
Jimmy Rabbitte: We have to be "the" something. All the great sixties bands were "The Somethings".
Outspan Foster: We could be... The Northsiders.
Derek: Or The Liffy Lads.
Outspan Foster: How about... The Fucking Eejits?

The Irish are the blacks of Europe. Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. The Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin.

Say it once and say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud.

Soul is the music people understand. Sure it's basic and it's simple. But it's something else 'cause, 'cause, 'cause it's honest, that's it. Its honest. There's no fuckin' bullshit. It sticks its neck out and says it straight from the heart. Sure there's a lot of different music you can get off on but soul is more than that. It takes you somewhere else. It grabs you by the balls and lifts you above the shite.

I'd like to introduce you to the hardest-workin' band in the world. On bass, Derek "Meatman" Scully. On piano, Steven "Soul Surgeon" Clifford. Dean "Mr Nipple" Fay on sax. Joey "The Lips" Fagan on trumpet. Our gorgeous chanteuses are Bernie, Imelda, and Natalie. Deco "Deep Throat" Cuffe on vocals. On lead guitar, Outspan "Fender bender" Foster. Finally, on drums, Mickah "Don't Fuck With Me" Wallace. Ladies and gentlemen, The Commitments.

Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin' themselves.

That's fuckin' blasphemy. Elvis wasn't a Cajun.

Steve Clifford: [In the confessional] And there's these three girls with the band, I've had lustful thoughts about all of them.

Natalie Murphy: What do you think, Jimmy, they'll be eatin' chips out of our knickers?

Joey 'The Lips' Fagan: [to Dean] Are you doing what I told you? Are you thinking of that reed as a woman's nipple?

Unemployment Official: Mr. Rabbitte, you've been collecting unemployment benefit for two years. Are you trying to tell me you can't get a job?
Jimmy Rabbitte: We're a third world country - what can you do?

Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you play?
Failed Drug Buyer: I used to play football in school.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I mean what instrument.
Failed Drug Buyer: I don't.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Then what are you doing here?
Failed Drug Buyer: Well, the line was so long I thought you were selling drugs.

Smiths' Song Singer: [singing, auditioning for Jimmy] I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now...
Jimmy Rabbitte: Yeah, I know how you feel.

Jimmy Rabbitte: Elvis is not soul.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: [defensively] Elvis is God.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I never pictured God with a fat gut and corset singing "My Way" at Caesar's Palace.

Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you call yourselves?
Derek: "And And And."
Jimmy Rabbitte: "And And fuckin' And?"
Derek: Well, Ray's thinking of putting an exclamation mark after the second "and." Says it'd look deadly on the posters.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Psshh...
Outspan Foster: You don't like it? You think it should go at the end?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I think it should go up his arse.
Outspan Foster: Well, we're not married to it.