Clueless quotes

View Quote Josh Lucas: You're not letting her go out like that?
Mel Horowitz: Cher, get in here!
Cher Horowitz: What's up, Daddy?
Mel Horowitz: What the hell is that?!
Cher Horowitz: A dress.
Mel Horowitiz: Says who?
Cher Horowitz: Calvin Klein.
Mel Horowitz: It looks like underwear, go upstairs and put something over it.
Cher Horowitz: Oh duh, I was just going to.
Mel Horowitz: (talking to Christian) Hey you, anything happens to my daughter I've got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt that anyone would miss you.

View Quote Murray Duvall: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne Davenport: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray Duvall: Excuse me, Ms. Dionne.
Dionne Davenport: Thank you.
Murray Duvall: My street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily misogynistic undertones.
Tai Fraiser: Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups.
Cher Horowitz: Oh well, this is a really good school.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Daddy, did you ever have a problem that you couldn't argue your way out of?
Mel Horowitz: Tell me the problem, and we'll figure out how to argue it.
Cher Horowitz: I like this boy....
Mel Horowitz: Yes
Cher Horowitz: And he likes someone else.
Mel Horowitz:How could that be?
Cher Horowitz: I don't know, but I feel wretched!
Mel Horowitz: Well, obviously this boy is a complete moron. You are the most beautiful girl in Beverly Hills. And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want you with a stupid fellow like that.

View Quote Dionne Davenport: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, but thy eternal summer shall not fade. Phat! Did you write that?
Cher Horowitz: Duh, it's like a famous quote.
Dionne Davenport: From where?
Cher Horowitz: Cliff's Notes.

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: .... Uh, Amber, rebuttal?
Amber Mariens: Mr. Hall, how can I answer that? The topic is Haiti and she's talking about some little party.
Cher Horowitz: Hello! It was his fiftieth birthday!
Amber Mariens: [does "W" hand motion] Whatever! If she doesn't do her assignment, I can't do mine.

View Quote Dionne Davenport: (screams) No! What have you done?! Oh my God! Cher, look! Look what's he done to his head! Can you believe this? Why did you do that to your head!
Murray Duvall: 'Cuz I'm keepin' it real!
Dionne Davenport: What?!
Murray Duvall: I'm keepin' it real! Ai'ight? Look at Lawrence's head?
Lawrence: It's the bomb.
Murray Duvall: You know what I'm sayin'? You look good.
Lawrence: As will you.
Dionne Davenport: What do you care what he thinks, Murray? I'm the one that has to look at you! That was a big mistake! What am I gonna do with you now?! And right before the yearbook pictures! What am I gonna tell my grandchildren?! You know what? Okay. That's it!
Murray Duvall: (mocking) That's it!
Dionne Davenport: You wanna play games?
Murray Duvall: (still mocking) You wanna play games?
Dionne Davenport: I'm calling your mother!
Murray Duvall: I'm calling your mo- what?! No, no, no! Don't call my moms!

View Quote Murray Duvall: Woman, why don't you be answering any of my pages?
Dionne Davenport: I hate when you call me woman!
Murray Duvall: Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' around behind my back?
Dionne Davenport: Jeepin'?
Cher Horowitz: Jeepin'.
Murray Duvall: Jeepin', jeepin'.
Dionne Davenport: No, but speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain to me how this cheap K-mart hair extension got into the back seat of your car.
Murray Duvall: I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your stringy something or others you got up here...
Dionne Davenport: Excuse me. I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know, like Shawanna.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Tai, how old are you?
Tai Fraiser: I'll be sixteen in May.
Cher Horowitz: My birthday is in April and, as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and laced at a party, but it is quite another to be fried all day.
Dionne Davenport: Do you see the distinction?
Tai Fraiser: (clearly confused) Yeah.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: But, Tai, do you really think you'd be good with Josh? I mean, he's like a school nerd.
Tai Fraiser: What, am I some sort of a mentally challenged airhead?
Cher Horowitz: No! Not even! I didn't say that.
Tai Fraiser: What, I'm not good enough for Josh or something?
Cher Horowitz: I.... I just don't think you mesh well together.
Tai Fraiser: YOU don't think that WE mesh well?! Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Cher Horowitz: .... That was way harsh, Tai.

View Quote Josh Lucas: Yeah. Well, it's good learning experience, at least for me. I want to be a lawyer. But you, I mean, you don't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun. Go shopping.
Cher Horowitz: Oh, you think that's all I do. That I'm just a ditz with a credit card?
Josh Lucas: No, uh, that's not what I meant. It's just.... um.... Uh, the.... You're.... young and beautiful and-
Cher Horowitz: And?
Josh Lucas: And, uh, well, what?
Cher Horowitz: You think I'm beautiful?
Josh Lucas: Mmm.... yeah. You know you're gorgeous, all right?

View Quote Cher Horowitz: (about Tai) Dee, my mission is clear. Would you look at that girl. She is so adorably clueless. We have got to adopt her.
Dionne Davenport: She is to' up! Our stock would plummet.
Cher Horowitz: Dee! Don't you wanna use your popularity for a good cause?
Dionne Davenport: No.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I not a Mexican! [storms out]
Cher Horowitz: What was that about?
Josh Lucas: Lucy's from El Salvador.
Cher Horowitz: So?
Josh Lucas: That's an entirely different country.
Cher Horowitz: What does that matter?
Josh Lucas: You get angry if somebody thinks you live below Sunset.

View Quote Murray Duvall: You almost had sex with who?
Cher Horowitz: Christian.
[Murray cracks up]
Dionne Davenport: What?
Murray Duvall: Yo, look! Are you bitches blind or something? Your man Christian is a cake boy.
Dionne Davenport and Cher Horowitz: A what?
Murray Duvall: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar-Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy.... Ya know what I'm saying? He's gay.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Oh, she's a full on Monet.
Tai Fraiser: What's that?
Cher Horowitz: You see, it's like the painting see, from far away it's okay, but up close it's a big ol' mess.

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: Cher Horowitz: Two tardies.
Cher Horowitz: I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?
Mr. Wendell Hall: One was last Monday.
Cher Horowitz: Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.
Mr. Wendell Hall: I assume you're referring to women's troubles and so, I'll let that one slide.