So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much

Amber Mariens: Miss Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Dionne Davenport: Well, there goes your social life.

Cher Horowitz: Tai, how old are you?
Tai Fraiser: I'll be sixteen in May.
Cher Horowitz: My birthday is in April and, as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and laced at a party, but it is quite another to be fried all day.
Dionne Davenport: Do you see the distinction?
Tai Fraiser: (clearly confused) Yeah.

Cher Horowitz: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I not a Mexican! [storms out]
Cher Horowitz: What was that about?
Josh Lucas: Lucy's from El Salvador.
Cher Horowitz: So?
Josh Lucas: That's an entirely different country.
Cher Horowitz: What does that matter?
Josh Lucas: You get angry if somebody thinks you live below Sunset.

Here's where Dionne lives. She's my friend because we both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us.

Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie just too many times.

Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.

Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.

Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.

(to step-brother Josh) So, the flannel shirt deal -- is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?

[About Christian] He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

[To Josh] Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?

I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.

So, okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair, ew, and cover it up with a backwards cap and, like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so!

You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet!