Yvette [upon being assigned to search the attic]: But it is dark upstairs and I am frightened of the dark, will anyone go with me?
Colonel Mustard: I will.
Prof. Plum: I will.
Mr. Green: [turning away] No thank you.
[from the third ending]
Mr. Green: YOU'RE Mr. Boddy!
[Wadsworth chuckles]
Prof. Plum: Wait a minute! So who did I kill?
Wadsworth: My butler.
Prof. Plum: Oh, shucks.
Mr. Green: Who would want to kill the cook?
Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't THAT bad.
Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
Miss Scarlet: It's my defense mechanism.
Colonel Mustard: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next!
Miss Scarlet: Oh?
[Everyone looks at accusingly Colonel Mustard]
Colonel Mustard: I said IF! IF!
[The cop has just inspected the study and lounge, where the guests have disguised the bodies so it looks like they are making love. Wadsworth does not know this, and sees the cop exiting the lounge.]
Wadsworth: Officer!
Cop: You're too late, I've seen it all.
Wadsworth: You have? I can explain everything!
Cop: You don't have to.
Wadsworth: I don't?
Cop: Don't worry! There's nothing illegal about any of this!
Wadsworth: Are you sure??
Cop: Of course! This is America!
Wadsworth: I see...
Cop: It's a free country! Don't you know that?
Wadsworth: I didn't know it was THAT free.
[Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard have entered the lounge through the secret passage. The secret passage has closed behind them, the lounge door is locked from the outside, and Wadsworth has lost the key to the lounge door]
Mr. Green: LET US IN! LET US IN!
Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard: LET US OUT! LET US OUT!
Miss Scarlet: [Looking at negatives] Very pretty. Would you like to see these, Yvette? They might shock you!
Yvette: Non, merci. I am a lay-dee.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a "lay-dee"?
Prof. Plum: What sort of pictures are they?
Col. Mustard: They are MY pictures and I'd like them back, please.
Wadsworth: Why would anyone want to kill him twice?
Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.
Col. Mustard: That's what we call overkill.
Prof. Plum: That's what we call psychotic.
Colonel Mustard: Looks like a secret passage.
Miss Scarlet: Shall we see where it goes?
Colonel Mustard: What the hell. I'll go first... I've had a good life.
Miss Scarlet: Why has the car stopped?
Professor Plum: It’s frightened.
Mrs. Pea****: So what does your husband do?
Mrs. White: Nothing.
Mrs. Pea****: Nothing?
Mrs. White: Well, he just lies around on his back all day.
Miss Scarlet: Sounds like hard work to me.
Mrs. White: I am willing to believe you. I too am being blackmailed for something I didn’t do.
Mr. Green: Me, too.
Col. Mustard: And me.
Miss Scarlet: Not me.
Wadsworth: You’re not being blackmailed?
Miss Scarlet: Oh I’m being blackmailed all right. But I did what I’m being blackmailed for.
Wadsworth: And Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a colonel’s pay.
Col. Mustard: I don’t. I came into money during the war when I lost my mommy and daddy.
Wadsworth: ...and to make a long story short...
Everybody else: Too late!
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