One semester we took Criminology, for Christ's sake! Criminology! Who the **** were we studying to be: Batman?
Randal Graves
Jeff Anderson · 17 quotes
Elias
Trevor Fehrman · 10 quotes
Dante Hicks
Brian O'Halloran · 7 quotes
Jay
Jason Mewes · 6 quotes
Becky
Rosario Dawson · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Randal Graves & Elias (7), Randal Graves & Dante Hicks (5), Dante Hicks & Elias (3)
Clerks II quotes
Page 2 of 2So that's the way you see all this time we've spent together? That's weird, man. I thought you were the only guy in the world who got me and had my back, the only person who'd take a bullet for me, 'cause I assumed you felt the same way about me the same way I feel about you. Then all of the sudden one day you're like, "I'm movin'. Bye." Do you know what that's been like for me? I'm lookin' at a future that just sucks cause you aren't gonna be in it anymore. And you're not even throwin' me over for a life that means something to you. It's just a stupid, hollow existence you think you should embrace because you're getting old or something, because it's the life everyone else goes after. You're a **** drone, dude.
That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
What'd you do that for?! You realise he just thinks you're trying to get him into a three-way with us now, don't you?
What's sexier than an elf princess's sword?
What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird, ****-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?
Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me.
You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals 'n shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... I'd be the first mother****er to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and **** it. And people'd be, like, "There he goes; homeboy **** the Martian once."
You never go ass to mouth!
You're my best friend and I love you, in a totally heterosexual way. Please don't leave me.
[from an alternate introduction to the characters]
Ooh, I **** hate sobriety, tubby! Everything's so crisp and loud now, and boring. It's boring, son! It's boring! Well, you could do more to help that, you know. This whole 'not talking' shit's getting old. It didn't matter when I was high, 'cause I'd just imagine you were talking in my head, like The Shining and shit, son. Like The Shining and shit. 'Jay's not here right now, Missus Torrance. Silent Bob's the man who lives inside my mouth'...eww, you **** ****, I bet you'd love to live in my mouth." [Silent Bob rolls his eyes] "Well, you had your chance. Back when I was high, you might have had a chance to slip your chubby little **** in me without me noticing, but that shit's NEVER gonna happen now that I'm all dry and shit...like your mom's puss. [pause] That is, unless you got a joint? [Silent Bob shoots him a look of shock and surprise] Ooh! Ooh, Mother****er! You're SO **** lucky! See, I was just testing you. You're lucky you passed, or I'd have to get rid of you as my sponsor. And then you'd cry like a little BITCH!