Randal Graves: Seventeen year olds nowadays are crazy; they're up for anything. They even like it when you go ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: Oh. My. God.
Randal Graves: What?
Dante Hicks: Are you serious?
Randal Graves: I don't fuck around when it comes to ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth!
Randal Graves: It's never my idea. These young chicks today get all horned up and they tell you to go ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth, Randal!
Randal Graves: You sound like my mom. [To Becky, who has just walked in] Becks, do you ever go ass-to-mouth?
Becky: You never go ass-to-mouth.
Randal Graves: You've never gone ass-to-mouth?
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth.
Becky: I've never gone ass-to-mouth.
Randal Graves: Not even once?
Becky: Not even ever.
Randal Graves: You're both so repressed. [To Becky] Look, I know you've given a blow job, right?
Becky: [Sigh] I haven't even put my purse down yet.
Randal Graves: That's a "yes". [To Dante] And I know you've gone down on chicks.
Becky: What's your point?
Randal Graves: Well, when you're done chowing down on the no-no parts of your lover, you kiss them, right? That's just like going ass-to-mouth.
Becky: Okay, I'm pretty sure you just compared a vagina to an asshole.
Randal Graves: [Scoffs] And?
Becky: Have you restocked all the napkin holders?
Randal Graves: That's an Elias job.
Becky: That comparison of pink and browneyes just made it a Randal job.
Elias: Zing!
Randal Graves: Shut the fuck up, Go-Bot!

Randal: Hey, Freddie-fucking-Mercury where's the chick?
Sexy Stud: [gesturing to the donkey] Right here.
Randal: But this donkey's a dude.
Sexy Stud: Kelly can be a guy's name too. Hey!

Randal: So, do I, uh, get to meet Kelly before the show or what?
Sexy Stud: Nah.
Sexy Stud: Kelly likes privacy before show time. But after the show, if you want, for an extra $500, you can fuck Kelly.
Randal: Really? Sweet.
Sexy Stud: Yeah. So, where we doing this thing?
Randal: Oh, right inside the restaurant.
Sexy Stud: You're kidding.
Randal: Not spacious enough?
Sexy Stud: No, it's plenty spacious. Just kind of weird, isn't it?
Randal: Kind of weird? You're in the bestiality business, dude.
Sexy Stud: Hey, fuck-o! We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal: Intriguing.

Teen 1: Hey, man, you holding?
Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin, and your cock.

[In the altered version of the prison scene]
Dante Hicks: "Yeah right do you know how much that would cost? Fifty thousand dollars easy."
Jay: "We have that kind of money."
Dante Hicks: "How'd you guys make that kind of money selling weed in front of the Quick Stop?"
Jay: "We got movie money."
[Confused look on Randal and Dantes faces]
Jay:"What the fuck, man?! Doesn't anyone remeber they made a movie based on me and Silent Bob?!"

[The Quick Stop has just burned down]
Randal Graves: Terrorists?
[Dante stares at him before shaking his head]
Randal Graves: I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I?
[Dante nods]
Randal Graves: Shit! Now where am I going to bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?
[Dante stares at him]

I'd buy the QuickStop and re-open it myself! That's what I'd do! (Randal's "big idea")

Alright, look. There's only one Return, ok, and it ain't of the King, it's of the Jedi.

Are you looking for a good transformers site? Because at cars2bots.com you can get an avatar of your picture morphed to look like a robot.

At Bible Camp we made a flow chart. Since God created man, and man created the Transformers, the Transformers are like a gift from God, Randal!

Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger?

Did you know Jesus was a Jew?

HEY some picklefucker just gave us free eats!

Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son!

Him is so cute! Him thinkin' again, huh?