Randal Graves quotes

You ever see a chick give a mule a blowjob?

Shit! Now where am i gonna bring chicks to **** when my mom's home? (After the QuickStop burned down)

Alright, look. There's only one Return, ok, and it ain't of the King, it's of the Jedi.

Oh, what the **** happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you ****ing morons! (To Elias and Hobbit Lover)

[re: the term "Porch Monkey"] It's cool. I'm taking it back.

May your first child be a masculine child! (To Becky)

Shut the **** up, GoBot! (Towards Elias, completely razzing on his love for Transformers)

My Grandmother wasn't racist...although she did once refer to a broken beer bottle as a "**** knife".

One semester we took criminology for God's sake! Criminology! Who the **** are we studying to be, Batman? (To Dante when discussing their short time in College)

I'd buy the QuickStop and re-open it myself! That's what I'd do! (Randal's "big idea")

[to Dante] You're my best friend, and I love you...in a totally heterosexual way. Please don't leave me.

[to Dante] Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me.

Oh, then man, you must love this ****ing guy 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met, the dude who lives his life according to everyone else's standards. 'I have to go down to Florida and get married because that what's expected of me.' And the ****ing insane part is he ain't even crazy about the chick he's marrying or Florida, never mind the fact that he's got a perfectly good chick right here in Jersey who he's nuts about and even Anne-****ing-Frank can see that she's nuts about him, God knows why. And she likes you for who you are man, she ain't trying to stuff you into a box you'll never fit into, not to mention that she's carrying your hideous ****ing C.H.U.D. of a kid. Jesus if you had any sense whatsoever, you'd ****ing stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep, and live your life the way it makes sense to you, you ****ing ass.

The best part of this job is all the barely-legal pussy that comes through that door, and they all look up to me because I have a drivers license.Its awesome.

[to Elias] Then you must be as blind as Anne Frank, because what's the point of having an internet connection if your not using it to look at weird ****ed up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?

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