Chicago quotes

View Quote Roxie: But he was trying to burgle me!
Harrison: From what I hear, he's been 'burgling' you three times a week for the past month.
Roxie: Yeah, I killed him! And I'd kill him again!
Harrison: Once was enough, dearie. Take her downtown!
Mama: You'll be staying in E Block. Murdereress' Row, we like to call it.
Roxie: Oh... is that nicer?
Roxie: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Mama: You're talking to the wrong people.
Roxie: God, that's beautiful!
Billy: Cut out God; stay where you're better accquainted.
Ms.Sunshine: Are you sorry?
Roxie: Are you kidding?
Reporter: Would you like to give us a word or two?
Kitty: I'll give you three - GO TO HELL! (She kicks him in the groin)
Billy: (Roxie has claimed to be pregnant and has been examined) Well, is she or isn't she?
Doctor: (flustered) She is.
Billy: I see. And would you swear to that in court?
Doctor: Yes.
Billy: Good. Button your fly.
Amos: Laugh, why would they laugh?
Billy: 'Cause they can count. Can you count?
Billy: Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't asked a question yet!
Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Velma: And then some.
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and,and, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: (outraged) Yeah! And she broke the lock!
Billy: Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Assistant D.A. Harrison to drop all charges against you in exchange for your testimony?
Velma: Why, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.
Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: Because I hate you.
Velma: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.
Velma: Me and Roxie would just like to say thank you!
Roxie: Thank you! Believe us, we could never have done it without you!

View Quote (Singing) Give 'em the old razzle dazzle; razzle dazzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate. Give 'em the old hocus pocus; bead and feather 'em. How can they see with sequins in their eyes? What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll never catch wise.

View Quote My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us boozin' , having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back...open the door...and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the Spread Eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock; I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

View Quote (Singing) And that's good, isn't it grand, isn't it great, isn't it swell, isn't it fun, isn't it?

View Quote My audience loves me. And I love them. And they love me for lovin' them and I love them for lovin' me. And we love each other. And that's cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz, kid.

View Quote (Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz, I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down, and all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz.

View Quote (Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

View Quote When you came to me, I didn't ask if she was guilty, I didn't ask if she was innocent, I didn't ask if she was a drunk, a dope fiend. No, I asked, did you have five thousand dollars, and you told me yes, but you don't have five thousand dollars so I figure you are a dirty liar and I don't do deals with dirty liars!

View Quote (Singing) Are human beings made of more than air? With all that bulk you're bound to see 'em there!... Unless that human bein' next to you, is unimpressive, undistingushed, you... know...who.

View Quote (Singing) No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

View Quote (after singing Mr. Cellophane) Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

View Quote (Singing) Should'a been my name, Mr Cellophane. Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there.

View Quote (At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?

View Quote (Singing) Let's all stroke together, like the Princeton crew. When you're strokin' Mama, Mama's strokin' you!

View Quote (Singing) Ask any of the chickies in my pen, they'll tell you I'm the biggest mother... hen.