Chicago quotes

View Quote My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us boozin' , having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back...open the door...and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the Spread Eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock; I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

View Quote (Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz, I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down, and all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz.

View Quote Roxie: But he was trying to burgle me!
Harrison: From what I hear, he's been 'burgling' you three times a week for the past month.
Roxie: Yeah, I killed him! And I'd kill him again!
Harrison: Once was enough, dearie. Take her downtown!
Mama: You'll be staying in E Block. Murdereress' Row, we like to call it.
Roxie: Oh... is that nicer?
Roxie: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Mama: You're talking to the wrong people.
Roxie: God, that's beautiful!
Billy: Cut out God; stay where you're better accquainted.
Ms.Sunshine: Are you sorry?
Roxie: Are you kidding?
Reporter: Would you like to give us a word or two?
Kitty: I'll give you three - GO TO HELL! (She kicks him in the groin)
Billy: (Roxie has claimed to be pregnant and has been examined) Well, is she or isn't she?
Doctor: (flustered) She is.
Billy: I see. And would you swear to that in court?
Doctor: Yes.
Billy: Good. Button your fly.
Amos: Laugh, why would they laugh?
Billy: 'Cause they can count. Can you count?
Billy: Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't asked a question yet!
Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Velma: And then some.
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and,and, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: (outraged) Yeah! And she broke the lock!
Billy: Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Assistant D.A. Harrison to drop all charges against you in exchange for your testimony?
Velma: Why, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.
Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: Because I hate you.
Velma: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.
Velma: Me and Roxie would just like to say thank you!
Roxie: Thank you! Believe us, we could never have done it without you!

View Quote (Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

View Quote Look, honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, 'kay?

View Quote (Singing) My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I made a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact. And now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act.

View Quote (Singing) No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

View Quote (Singing) She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men."

View Quote You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.

View Quote I just can't take it anymore! You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato. (Mama sits up with her hair dyed like Roxie's) Oh, no, Mama, not you too.

View Quote What's your talent; washing and drying?

View Quote My audience loves me. And I love them. And they love me for lovin' them and I love them for lovin' me. And we love each other. And that's cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz, kid.

View Quote (Singing) And that's good, isn't it grand, isn't it great, isn't it swell, isn't it fun, isn't it?

View Quote (Singing) You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like, you can even marry Harry, and mess around with Ike!

View Quote (At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?