Roxie: But he was trying to burgle me!
Harrison: From what I hear, he's been 'burgling' you three times a week for the past month.
Roxie: Yeah, I killed him! And I'd kill him again!
Harrison: Once was enough, dearie. Take her downtown!
Mama: You'll be staying in E Block. Murdereress' Row, we like to call it.
Roxie: Oh... is that nicer?
Roxie: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Mama: You're talking to the wrong people.
Roxie: God, that's beautiful!
Billy: Cut out God; stay where you're better accquainted.
Ms.Sunshine: Are you sorry?
Roxie: Are you kidding?
Reporter: Would you like to give us a word or two?
Kitty: I'll give you three - GO TO HELL! (She kicks him in the groin)
Billy: (Roxie has claimed to be pregnant and has been examined) Well, is she or isn't she?
Doctor: (flustered) She is.
Billy: I see. And would you swear to that in court?
Doctor: Yes.
Billy: Good. Button your fly.
Amos: Laugh, why would they laugh?
Billy: 'Cause they can count. Can you count?
Billy: Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't asked a question yet!
Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Velma: And then some.
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and,and, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: (outraged) Yeah! And she broke the lock!
Billy: Miss Kelly, did you make a deal with Assistant D.A. Harrison to drop all charges against you in exchange for your testimony?
Velma: Why, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.
Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: Because I hate you.
Velma: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.
Velma: Me and Roxie would just like to say thank you!
Roxie: Thank you! Believe us, we could never have done it without you!

(after singing Mr. Cellophane) Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

(At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?

(having been asked what the cost of a phonecall is) Come on, Vel, you know how I feel about you. You're like family to me, one of my own. ... I'll do it for fifty.

(Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

(Singing) And that's good, isn't it grand, isn't it great, isn't it swell, isn't it fun, isn't it?

(Singing) Are human beings made of more than air? With all that bulk you're bound to see 'em there!... Unless that human bein' next to you, is unimpressive, undistingushed, you... know...who.

(Singing) Ask any of the chickies in my pen, they'll tell you I'm the biggest mother... hen.

(Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz, I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down, and all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz.

(Singing) Give 'em the old razzle dazzle; razzle dazzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate. Give 'em the old hocus pocus; bead and feather 'em. How can they see with sequins in their eyes? What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll never catch wise.

(Singing) Let's all stroke together, like the Princeton crew. When you're strokin' Mama, Mama's strokin' you!

(Singing) My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I made a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact. And now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act.

(Singing) No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

(Singing) She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men."

(Singing) Should'a been my name, Mr Cellophane. Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there.