Chasing Amy

Chasing Amy quotes

61 total quotes (ID: 120)

Alyssa Jones
Banky Edwards
Holden McNeil
Hooper X
Jay
Multiple Characters


Cashier: You wanna haggle over the price of your French Dip?


Silent Bob: Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand ****ing Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Hunh? [He does a dance move with his hands.] Bet you didn't even know that shit did you?

Alyssa: [About Banky's argument with his grade school religion teacher] How bad could it have been?
Holden: Put it this way: have you ever heard a nun call an eight year-old boy a ****ing **** rag?

Alyssa: [about Holden's new comic, "Chasing Amy"] Looks like a very personal story.
Holden: I finally had something personal to say.

Alyssa: **** you.
Banky: Not even if you let me video tape it.

Alyssa: Let me ask you something. Can men **** each other?
Banky: What, are you asking for my permission?
Alyssa: In your estimation.
Banky: Yeah, sure.
Alyssa: So for you, to **** means to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You, inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing the bored look in her eyes.
Banky: Hey, I always notice the bored look in their eyes.

Alyssa: So, you've never been curious about men?
Holden: Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.

Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this ****ing planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
[Alyssa gets out of the car and walks away]
Holden: (sigh) Was it something I said?

Alyssa: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden: Still am.
Alyssa: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.

Banky: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as ****, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because the other three are figments of your ****ing imagination!

Banky: I just have to get something.
[Pulls out a huge stack of porno books]
Holden: Oh my God. Who are you, Larry ****ing Flynt? What are you going to do with all of those?
Banky: Read the articles. What do you think I'm going to do with them? They're stroke books, stupid!
Holden: You've got like thirty books there! We're only going to be gone for two days!
Banky: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes - not often, but sometimes - I like the idea of a chick with a horse.

Banky: What is it about this girl man, you know you have no shot at getting her into bed so why do you even bother wasting time with her, because you're Holden ****ing McNeil, the most persistent traveler on the road that's not the path of least resistance, everything has to be a ****ing challenge for you and this little relationship with that BITCH is a prime example of your ****ing condition, Well I don't need a magic 8-ball to look into your future, you want a forecast here, will Holden ever **** Alyssa? Oh what a shock, NOT ****ING LIKELY. This relationship is affecting you, our work, and our friendship and the time is going to come when I throw down the gauntlet and say it's me or her. Then what are you going to say?
Holden: I think you should let this one go
Banky: No, what would you say, would you trash 20 years of ****ing friendship because you got some idiotic notion that this chick will let you sniff her panties, let alone **** her?
Holden: Look ****ing asshole, I'm telling you let it go, ok!
Banky: What the **** man, what the **** makes this bitch all that important?
Holden: Because I'm ****ing in love with her man, OK?

Banky: What the **** is going on here?
Holden: I'm starting a new page?
[Banky grabs the pen out of Holden's hand and throws it]
Banky: Not with this shit, what the **** is going on with you and that girl?
Holden: We're just friends!
Banky: She's programming you!
Holden: I beg your pardon? Programming?
Banky: Yeah, and apparently you don't even ****ing realize it!

Banky: Who should I sign it to?
Little Kid: I don't want you to sign it. I want the guy who draws Bluntman and Chronic to sign it. [snatches the comic away] You're just a tracer.
Collector: Tell him, little shaver.

Fan: [about Bluntman and Chronic] I love these guys! You know what? they're like Bill and Ted meet... Cheech and Chong!
Holden: Yeah... I kinda like to think of them as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon.
Fan: Yes! [pause] Who?