Forrest Gump: Hello. My name's Forrest. Forrest Gump.
Bench Waiter: That's a damn shame.

Blue balls for celluloid!

Theater Marquee: Pauly Shore marathon, 4 comedy classics!!!!
Fidget: Hey hey MPAA, how many movies did you censor today?
Lyle: [running in place] Help! Cherish! I'm stuck in a K-hole and I can't get out!
Angry Moviegoer: I walk out of your films, on airplanes!

Honey Whitlock: Look at this dump of a town. Get me the fuck back to LA, God, if one more asshole mentions a crab cake to me I'm going to puke.
Libby: Well did you try the steamed crabs, they're red and really... tasty.
Honey Whitlock: No, I did not! I'm not interested in any kind of meal that you have to beat with a fucking mallet wearing some stupid kind of little bib!

Honey Whitlock: How can you be a drug addict in the new millennium? It's so retro.
Lyle: Before I was a drug addict, I had so many different problems. Now I just have one: drugs. Gave my life real focus.

Hi. I played you in lots of porno movies. Some Kind of Happiness, I've already shot it. Only it's called Some Kind of Horniness.

Sylvia Mallory: This is William. William had heart surgery just seven days ago, and thanks to the blood transfusions paid for by your generosity at tonight's premier, he's going to be alright. Aren't you William?
William: I don't want to be here!
Sylvia Mallory: William's a little grumpy.
William: Get off of me, ugly!
Sylvia Mallory: But he's alive! And that's what counts.

Honey Whitlock: Libby, do you think that Pat Nixon got fucked in this hotel room?
Libby: What?
Honey Whitlock: It is called the Presidential Suite, isn't it?
Libby: Yes, but...
Honey Whitlock: I bet she did. Call the manager and ask him.
Libby: I can't ask that! Pat Nixon was a stroke victim!
Honey Whitlock: I believe it is your job to ask, is it not? Now call downstairs and ask the manager if Pat Nixon got fucked in my hotel room. I want to know.

Honey Whitlock: A WHITE fucking LIMOUSINE?!
Libby: Nobody will know, we're in Baltimore!
Honey Whitlock: Do I look like Liberace's god-damn boyfriend for Christ sake? I have black limousine only in my contract!
Libby: The charity probably made the arrangement, it was a honest mistake.
Honey Whitlock: Do I look like a coke dealer?!
Libby: No, Ms. Whitlock.
Honey Whitlock: Do I look like I am going to the FUCKING PROM?!

Dear Diary, another day, and it's the same old thing. Every where I go, everything I do just seems to lead to the same dead end: my derrière.

I'm a prophet against profit!

Honey Whitlock: Ow ow ow ow ow ow OW! I don't want to be blonde!
Rodney: You're going off the deep end of the Clairol color chart!

Honey Whitlock: Ow Rodney, why do you have to hurt me? Gay men are supposed to be gentle!
Rodney: That's just it, Honey, I'm not gay. I'm straight and I fucking hate it! Petey loves me and I can't love him back. I tried. I kiss him, and all I feel is whiskers. I can't take that certain thickness in his pants. I'm ashamed of my heterosexuality!

Family is just a dirty word for censorship!

When I was ten years old my entire family fucked me under the Christmas tree!