Bull Durham

Bull Durham quotes

38 total quotes (ID: 107)

Annie Savoy
Crash Davis
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Larry


Having a conversation with you is like a Martian talking to a Fungo.


Crash Davis: You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip: Nah.
Crash Davis: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, **** this ****ing game!
[pause]
Crash Davis: You know what? I quit, all right? I ****ing quit.
[Crash exits the office, stops and swears to himself disgustedly, and sticks his head back through the door]
Crash Davis: Who we play tomorrow?
Skip: Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.

Ebby: [After he has challenged Crash to a fight] I don't hit no man first.
Crash Davis: All right, then... [throws him a baseball] ...hit me in the chest with that.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!
Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a ****ing boat. [the crowd that has gathered gawks] Come on; right here, right in the chest.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No way!
Crash Davis: C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh? Thinkin' about how embarassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh? Come on, 'rook, show us that million-dollar arm. 'Cause I got; oh yeah, I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.
[LaLoosh throws the ball and misses Crash by several feet, breaking a window]
Crash Davis: Ball four.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Who the hell are you, man?!
[LaLoosh charges at Crash, who drops him with one punch to the face]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Good punch...
Crash Davis: I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one; Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.

[Opening narration] I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

Bulls player: Jesus, Ebby! You look like shit!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Nuke! Call me "Nuke"! Annie says it's my new nickname.
Larry: You're hooked up with Annie?! That's great, that's great! Every guy I've ever seen hook up with her has had the best year of his career! So, is she, ehhhhhhh, you know... as good as they say?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: What? No, no, man, we didn't ****. No, she kept me up all night reading poetry. It's more tiring than ****ing.

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
Annie Savoy: Yes, I do.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.

Annie [instructing Nuke to pitch to Millie, who is wearing catcher's gear]: Now go ahead, put it in there!
Nuke: I don't wanna; I'm gonna hurt the girl!
Annie: That "girl" has handled pitchers with much better records than one-and-seven.
Nuke: 1-6! Gimme the goddamned ball!

Crash Davis: Last chance. Your place or mine?
Annie Savoy: Despite my rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of the baseball season, monogamous.

Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
[Joe laughs]
Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.

The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.

Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. Win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it only means you are a slob.

[after Ebby didn't listen to Crash, and the ball became a home run]
Crash: Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: You told him didn't you?
Crash Davis: Yup.

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Ooh, I've heard of stuff like this.
Annie Savoy: Yeah? Have you heard of Walt Whitman?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No. Who's he play for?

You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club.

[Mechanized bull noises in background, signifying a home run]
Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he? [laughs]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the ****ing bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs]
Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Crash Davis: Good.
[pause]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash Davis: He did know.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
Crash Davis: I told him.