Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty quotes

47 total quotes (ID: 104)

Bruce
Homeless Man Signs
Multiple Characters


Bruce: Where ya goin'?
God: I'm... taking a vacation.
Bruce: Wait, God doesn't take vacations! Does he? Do... ye?
God: Ever heard of the Dark Ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can fix up everything in five minutes if you wanted to. Right? Ciao.


Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. Tell me: Why did you throw the blue Heart of the Ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe, floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ASS off?!

Bruce: (with his own sign) WHATEVER HE SAID →

Bruce: (commenting about his actions) I was such an idiot.
Grace: It's okay.

Ally: They want you close to the falls.
Bruce: Really? I'm gonna get soaked.
Ally: That's the point.

That is perfect! That is the motivation that I needed! Right there! Thank you. Thank you, WKBW! Wimpy Kiddy Baby Whiners! THAT'S WHAT THAT STANDS FOR! I'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news.

Jack: You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.

Computer: Yahweh! You've got prayers.

Evan: (spouts angry gibberish) Doo-doo ca-ca poo-poo! (more angry gibberish) PEE-PEE! (laughs embarrased)

Bruce: Whoa! Hold the phone! I like this one. Our weekend at the lake.
Grace: How'd you get that? That's supposed to be in our private stash.
Bruce: You look perky, hon. It must've been cold.
Grace: All right, fine! Do with it what you will, I don't care!
Bruce: I will do with it what I will. You know, I might even send this into Playboy!

Bruce: Bedroom?
Grace: Five minutes.

Okay, You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!

Grace: Those are amazing! What are these?
Bruce: They're a new breed. Cross-pollination between tulips and daisies. I call them... todaisies.

GOD BEE GOOD HONEY

News Reporter: In international news, Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort to rescue hundreds of people stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City. Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused by what they're describing as unusual lunar activity. More on this as it develops.