Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty quotes

47 total quotes (ID: 104)

Bruce
Homeless Man Signs
Multiple Characters


LOOK TO YOURSELF


All the greatest anchors have had their signature sign-off, like Walter Cronkite. And that's the way it was. That's the way the cookie crumbles. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber... Pardon me, Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with talent can do when great opportunities are given to them instead of me.

[A disguised God has been showing Bruce signs all day; his latest one reads "LIFE IS JUST"] Just? Just get a clue!

Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. Tell me: Why did you throw the blue Heart of the Ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe, floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ASS off?!

Fine! The gloves are off pal! C'mon, lemme see a little wrath! Smite me, O mighty smiter! You're the one who should be fired! The only one around here not doing his job is You! ANSWER ME!!!

You can't leave me! I'm the Alpha, lady! I'M THE OMEGA, BABY! Okay, fine, I don't need you!

Okay, You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!

I AM BRUCE ALMIGHTY! MY WILL BE DONE!

Smite me oh mighty smiter!

Jack: You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.

Bruce: So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but I say, 'No, is big chocolate sprinkle.' But he shut store down. So we clean up, make big cookie for to bring customers back.
Bruce: Well, I admire your candor. Let's try that again, shall we?
...
Bruce: So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: So the children of the neighborhood will be happy?
Bruce: That's right. It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces.
Vol Kowolski: I work in back. I see no smiles.

Bruce: And the cookie is... ten feet, four inches! We have a new record! Cue the cheesy inspirational music! [theme from Chariots of Fire plays]
Bruce: And that's the way the cookie crumbles!

Ally: They want you close to the falls.
Bruce: Really? I'm gonna get soaked.
Ally: That's the point.

Bruce: Oh, look. It's the owner of the Maid of the Mist. Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill. No, no, no, no. No, no. Come on. Let's have a talk.
Grace: Come on! What are you DOING?!
Bruce: Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now. Tell me. Why do you think I didn't get the anchor
Bill (Ferry Owner): Hey, man. I don't want any problems. I don't want...
Bruce: Is it my hair, Bill? Are my teeth not white enough? Or like the great falls, is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me? ERODING, EEEERODING, EEEEEERODDDING.
Jack: Cut the feed. Go to black.
Technician: I'm on it.
Bruce: I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, ****ers!
Jack: Oh boy.
Grace: Oh, my God.