Don't be silly, Bridget. You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. ~Mother

Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dresses like her mother. ~Mark

Now, these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are- fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. ~Daniel

I can't believe you said what you said you said. ~Jude

Come the fuck on Bridget! ~ Tom

Bridget: I'm sorry, I'm not quite fi... [interrupted by seeing Mark]
Mark: Good afternoon.
Bridget: Hi! You like me just the way I am...
Mark: Sorry?
Bridget: Nothing.

Bridget: [as Una Alconberry] No Pam. And besides I'm busy, gravy needs seiving.
Mark: [as Pamela Jones] Surely not, just stir it Una.

Mother: Come on. Why don't we see if Mark wants a gherkin.
Bridget: Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. (Sees his reindeer jumper) Maybe not.
Mother: Mark! You remember Bridget. She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on, remember?

Daniel: If walking past my office was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, can only say that it has failed parlously-- Cleave.
Bridget: Shut up, please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner?
Daniel: Message Jones. Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic. P.S. Like your tits in that top.

Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around... Maybe not.
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. He comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues.
Perpetua: Oh, Mark, I know you by reputation of course.
Mark: (Natasha arrives) Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. Bridget is in advertising and used to play naked in my paddling pool.

Boss: So, why do you want to work in television?
Bridget: I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
Boss: Fair enough. Start Monday. We'll see how we go. And, incidentally, at 'Sit Up, Britain', no one ever gets sacked for shaggin' the boss.

Bridget: How's it look?
Mark: Great, it's... blue.
Bridget: Blue?
Mark: No, but blue is... good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food.

Mother: The Darcy's Ruby Wedding of course. "What for?" Indeed! Mark will be there. Still divorced *taps nose*
Bridget: He's also... still deranged. *taps nose*

Bridget: Wait a minute, nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark: Oh yes, they fucking do.