Bridget Jones's Diary

Bridget Jones's Diary quotes

25 total quotes (ID: 98)

Bridget
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(Answering phone) Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum, hi.


(imitating her line on TV) This is Bridget Jones for Sit Up Britain searching for the tuna.

(rummaging through her fridge) Where the **** is the ****ing tuna?

Boss: So, why do you want to work in television?
Bridget: I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
Boss: Fair enough. Start Monday. We'll see how we go. And, incidentally, at 'Sit Up, Britain', no one ever gets sacked for shaggin' the boss.

Bridget: How's it look?
Mark: Great, it's... blue.
Bridget: Blue?
Mark: No, but blue is... good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food.

Bridget: I'm sorry, I'm not quite fi... [interrupted by seeing Mark]
Mark: Good afternoon.
Bridget: Hi! You like me just the way I am...
Mark: Sorry?
Bridget: Nothing.

Bridget: Wait a minute, nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark: Oh yes, they ****ing do.

Bridget: [as Una Alconberry] No Pam. And besides I'm busy, gravy needs seiving.
Mark: [as Pamela Jones] Surely not, just stir it Una.

Daniel: If walking past my office was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, can only say that it has failed parlously-- Cleave.
Bridget: Shut up, please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner?
Daniel: Message Jones. Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic. P.S. Like your tits in that top.

Mother: Come on. Why don't we see if Mark wants a gherkin.
Bridget: Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. (Sees his reindeer jumper) Maybe not.
Mother: Mark! You remember Bridget. She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on, remember?

Mother: The Darcy's Ruby Wedding of course. "What for?" Indeed! Mark will be there. Still divorced *taps nose*
Bridget: He's also... still deranged. *taps nose*

Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around... Maybe not.
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. He comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues.
Perpetua: Oh, Mark, I know you by reputation of course.
Mark: (Natasha arrives) Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. Bridget is in advertising and used to play naked in my paddling pool.

And that was it. Right there. That was the moment. I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine... and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians. Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventualy be eaten by alsatians... or not, and this time i choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, i choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.

Come the **** on Bridget! ~ Tom