The Breakfast Club

The Breakfast Club quotes

43 total quotes (ID: 96)

Brian Johnson
John Bender
Multiple Characters


Bender: How does one become a janitor?
Carl: You wanna be a janitor?
Bender: No, I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here, is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
Carl: Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Peon? Huh? Maybe so, but following a broom around after shitheads like you for the past eight years I've learned a couple of things; look through your letters, I look through your lockers...I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends. By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast.


Vernon: All right girls, that's 30 minutes for lunch.
Andrew: Here? Well I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir.
Vernon: Well I don't care what you think Andrew.
Bender: Uh, Dick? Excuse me, Rich? Will milk be made available to us?
Andrew: We're extremely thirsty, sir.
Claire: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew: I've seen her dehydrate sir. It's pretty gross.
Bender: Relax, I'll get it.
Vernon: Uh-Uh-Uh...Grab some wood there bub. What do you think I was born yesterday? You think I'm going to have you roaming these halls? [to Andrew] You. [Andrew motions to Claire, but Vernon points to Allison] And you. Hey! What's her name? Wake her. Wake her up. Hey! Come on, on your feet 'Missy,' let's go! This is no rest home. There's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge. Let's go!

[Andrew and Allison are walking down the hall to the teacher's lounge.] Andrew: So...what's your poison? [Allison doesn't respond.] What do you drink? [No response again.] Okay...forget I asked.
Allison: Vodka.
Andrew: Vodka. When do you drink Vodka?
Allison: Whenever.
Andrew: Do you drink it a lot?
Allison: Tons.
Andrew: Is that why you're here today? Why are you here--
Allison: Why are you here?
Andrew: I'm...here because my coach and my old man don't want me to blow my ride. You see, the coach thinks I'm a winner. My old man thinks I'm a winner. I'm not a winner 'cause I wanna be a winner. I'm a winner 'cause I have strength and speed, kinda like a race horse. Shows you how involved I am in everything that's happening to me.
Allison: Yeah? That's very...interesting. Now, why don't you tell me why you're really in here.
Andrew: Forget it.

Bender: What's that?
Claire: Sushi.
Bender: Sushi?
Claire: Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed.
Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth and you're gonna eat that?
Claire: Can I eat?
Bender: I don't know...give it a try.

Bender: PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch; all the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...
Bender: Ah. Here's my impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, pal?" "Great, Dad! How's yours?" "Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad! But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" "Gee!" "Dear, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?" [kiss, then mimes punching]
Andrew: All right, what about your family?
Bender: My family? Oh, that's easy. "Stupid, worthless, no good, God damned free loading son-of-a-bitch! Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all asshole jerk!" "You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful!" "Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!" "What about you, Dad?" "**** you!" "No, Dad, what about you?" "**** you!" "No, Dad, what about you?!" "**** you!" [mimes punching]
Brian: Is that for real?
Bender: You wanna come over some time?
Andrew: That's bullshit. It's all part of your image, I don't believe a word of it.
Bender: You don't believe me?
Andrew: No.
Bender: No?
Andrew: Did I stutter?
[John approaches Andrew and lifts his sleeve to show a burn on his arm. Claire and Andrew look away afterwards.]
Bender: Do you believe this? Huh? It's about the size of a cigar...Do I stutter? You see this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage. See I don't think that I need to sit here with you ****in' dildos anymore!

Vernon: That's the last time, Bender. That's the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, do you hear me? I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it away on some punk like you, but someday, man, someday. When you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place, and they've forgotten all about you and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you, man, I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt!
Bender: Are you threatening me?
Vernon: What're you gonna do about it? You think anybody's gonna believe you? You think anybody's gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here, I'm a swell guy; you're a lying sack of shit! And everybody knows it. Oh, you're a real tough guy--come on, come on, get on your feet, pal! Let's find out how tough you are! I wanna know right now how tough you are! Come on! I'll give you the first punch, let's go! Come on, right here, just take the first shot! Please, I'm begging you, take a shot! Come on, just take one shot, that's all I need, just one swing... [Bender just sits there staring at Vernon. Vernon fakes a punch and Bender flinches.] That's what I though...you're a gutless turd!

Brian: Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?
Allison: Yeah, I always carry this much shit in my bag. You never know when you may have to jam.
Brian: Are you gonna be like a shopping bag lady? You know like, sit in alleyways and like talk to buildings and wear men's shoes and that kinda thing?
Allison: I'll do what I have to do.
Brian: Why do you have to do anything?
Allison: My home life is un-satisfying...
Brian: So you're saying you'd subject yourself to the violent dangers of the Chicago streets because your home life is unsatisfying?
Allison: I don't have to run away and live in the street; I can run away and, go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I can go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan...
Brian: Andy...you wanna get in on this? Allison here says, she wants to run away, because her home life is unsatisfying.
Andrew: Well everyone's home lives are unsatisfying. If it wasn't, people would live with there parents forever.
Brian: Yeah, yeah I understand. But I think that hers goes beyond, you know, what guys like you and me consider normal unsatisfying.
Allison: Never mind, forget it, everything's cool.
Andrew: What's the deal?
Allison: No! There's no deal, Sporto. Forget it, leave me alone.
Andrew: Wait a minute, now you're carrying all that crap around in your purse. Either you really wanna run away or you want people to think you wanna run away.
Allison: Eat shit!
Brian: The girl is an island, with herself.

[Andrew approaches Allison.]
Andrew: Hey, what's wrong? You wanna talk about it?
Allison: No.
Andrew: Why not?
Allison: Go away.
Andrew: Where do you want me to go?
Allison: Go away! [Andrew hesitantly leaves her be.] You have problems.
Andrew: Oh, I have problems?
Allison: You do everything everyone ever tells you to do! That is a problem!
Andrew: Okay, fine. But I didn't dump my bag on the couch and invite everyone into my problems. [He begins to approach her again.] Did I? Now, tell me. What's wrong? Is it bad? Really bad? Parents?
[A moment passes silently.]
Allison: (softly) Yeah.
Andrew: What do they do to you?
Allison: (hesitantly) They ignore me.

Vernon: What did you want to be when you were young?
Carl: When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon.
Vernon: Carl, don't be a goof. I'm trying to make a serious point here. I've been teaching, for twenty two years, and each year, these kids get more and more arrogant.
Carl: Aw bullshit, man. Come on Vern, the kids haven't changed, you have! You took a teaching position, 'cause you thought it'd be fun, right? Thought you could have summer vacations off and then you found out it was actually work and that really bummed you out.
Vernon: These kids turned on me. They think I'm a big ****in' joke.
Carl: Come on...listen Vern, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you, huh?
Vernon: Hey, Carl, you think I give one rat's ass what these kids think of me?
Carl: Yes, I do.
Vernon: You think about this...when you get old, these kids; when I get old, they're gonna be runnin' the country.
Carl: Yeah?
Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night; that when I get older, these kids are gonna take care of me.
Carl: I wouldn't count on it.

Allison: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire: You're lying.
Allison: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Claire: Lie.
Brian: Are your parents aware of this?
Allison: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew: And what'd he do when you told him?
Allison: He nailed me.
Claire: Very nice.
Allison: I don't think it can be construed as rape since I paid him.
Claire: He's an adult!
Allison: Yeah. He's married, too.
Claire: Ugh, do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
Allison: Well, the first few times--
Claire: The first few times?! You mean, you've done it more than once?! Are you crazy?!
Brian: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
Allison: Have you ever done it?
Claire: I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Allison: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Claire: Didn't we already cover this?
Bender: You never answered the question.
Claire: Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life with total strangers.
Allison: It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
Claire: A what?
Allison: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut! It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do you wish you didn't, right?
Claire: Wrong.
Allison: ...Or, are you a tease?
Andrew: She's a tease.
Claire: Why don't you just drop it?
Andrew: You're a tease and you know it, all girls are teases!
Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
Claire: I don't do anything!
Allison: That's why you're a tease.
Claire: Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.
Allison: I've already told you everything!
Claire: No, doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean don't you want any respect?
Allison: I don't screw to get respect; that's the difference between you and me.
Claire: Not the only difference, I hope.
Bender: Face it, you're a tease.
Claire: I'm not a tease!
Bender: Sure you are! Sex is a weapon! You said it yourself; you use it to get respect!
Claire: No, I never said that. She twisted my words around.
Bender: Oh, then what do you use it for?
Claire: I don't use it period!
Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
Claire: I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth!
Bender: Well if you'd just answer the question...
Brian: Why don't you just answer the question?
Andrew: Be honest...
Bender: No big deal...
Brian: Yeah, answer it!
Andrew: Answer the question, Claire!
Bender: Talk to us!
Andrew and Brian: Come on, answer the question!
Bender: It's easy, it's only one question!
Claire: No! I never did it!
Allison: I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar.

Bender: That was great, Claire. My image of you is totally blown.
Allison: You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!
Bender: Am I laughing?
Andrew: You ****ing prick!
Bender: What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember? [to Claire] And you...don't like me anyway.
Claire: You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!
Bender: God, you're so pathetic! Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! ****in' Rapunzel, right? School would probably ****ing shut down if you didn't show up! "Queenie isn't here!" I like those earrings Claire.
Claire: Shut up.
Bender: Are those real diamonds, Claire?
Claire: Shut up!
Bender: I bet they are. Did you work, for the money, for those earrings?
Claire: Shut your mouth!
Bender: Or did your daddy buy those?
Claire: Shut up!
Bender: I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner ****in' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!" Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?

Andrew: My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
Claire: (teary) Not me...ever
Allison: It's unavoidable, it just happens.
Claire: What happens?
Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.

Brian: I just wanna tell each of you that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! 'Cause I think that's real shitty.
Claire: Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us.
Brian: You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself; why are you like that?
Claire: (teary) I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!
Brian: Well then why do you do it?
Claire: I don't know, I don't--you don't understand...you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you!
Brian: I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire? Well **** you! **** you! [Brian breaks down and begins to cry.] Know why I'm here today? Do you?! I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a gun in the locker.
Andrew: Why'd you have a gun in your locker?
Brian: I tried. You pull the ****in' trunk on it and the light's s'posed to go on...and it didn't go on, I mean, I...
Andrew: What's the gun for Brian?
Brian: Just forget it.
Andrew: You brought it up, man!
Brian: I can't have an F, I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it. Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B. And everything's ruined for me.
Claire: Oh, Brian...
Brian: ****! So I considered my options, you know?
Claire: No! Killing yourself is not an option!
Brian: Well I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so!
Allison: It was a hand gun?
Brian: No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker.
Andrew: Really? [starts to laugh]
Brian: It's not funny...
[Andrew tries to stop, but he continues laughing and everyone else begins to laugh.]
Brian: (laughing as well) Yes it is. ****in' elephant was destroyed!
Allison: You wanna know what I did to get in here? Nothing; I didn't have anything better to do.
[Everyone continues to laugh, now at Allison.]
Allison: (still laughing from earlier) You're laughing at me!
Andrew: No...!
Allison: Yes, you are!
[Everyone, feeling better, continues to laugh.]