The Breakfast Club quotes

View Quote Vernon: [to Bender] Give me that screw.
Bender: I don't have it.
Vernon: You want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it out of you?
Bender: I don't have it. Screws fall out all of the time, the world's an imperfect place.
Bender: Give it to me, Bender.
Claire: Excuse me, sir, why would anybody want to steal a screw?
Vernon: Watch it, young lady.
[Vernon tries to hold the door open by putting a folding chair in front of it.]
Bender: The door's way too heavy, sir.
[The door slams shut despite the chair.]
Vernon: Dammit!
[Vernon comes back in.]
Vernon: Andrew Clark! Get up here. Come on, front and center, let's go.
[Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon]
Bender: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!
[Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel magazine rack in front of the door.]
Vernon: Okay, now, watch the magazines!
Bender: It's out of my hands. [Andrew tries to get back into the Library, but has difficulty getting over the rack.] That's very clever sir, but what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
Vernon: All right, what are you doing with this? Get this outta here for God's sake! What's the matter with you? Come on!
Brian: You know the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library.
Bender: Show Dick some respect!
Vernon: Let's go. Go, get back into your seat. I expected a little more from a varsity letterman. [to Bender] You're not fooling anybody, Bender. The next screw that falls out is gonna be you.
Bender: (mumbling) Eat my shorts.
Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat...my...shorts!
Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister!
Bender: (scoffs) I'm crushed.
Vernon: You just bought one more right there!
Bender: Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar!
Vernon: Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled! We'll keep goin'! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to prison, you'll come here! Are you through?
Bender: No!
Vernon: I'm doing society a favor!
Bender: So?
Vernon: That's another one, right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?
Bender: Yes!
Vernon: You got it! You got another one, right there! That's another one pal!
Claire: Cut it out! (mouthing) Stop!
Vernon: You through?
Bender: Not even close, bud!
Vernon: Good! You got one more, right there!
Bender: Do you really think I give a shit?
Vernon: Another. [Vernon and John stare angrily at each other.] You through?
Bender: How many is that?
Brian: That's seven, including the one when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon here whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.
Vernon: Now it's eight. [to Brian] You stay out of it!
Brian: Excuse me, sir, it's seven.
Vernon: Shut up, Peewee! You're mine Bender...for two months I gotcha! I gotcha!
Bender: What can I say? I'm thrilled!
Vernon: Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something, Bender? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. You might be better off. All right, that's it! I'm going to be right outside those doors. The next time I hafta come in here, I'm cracking skulls!

View Quote Bender: Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitus of the nuts? It's pretty tasty.
Claire: No thank you.
Bender: How do you think he rides a bike? Oh, and Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy like this?
Claire: Can't you just leave me alone?
Bender: I mean if he had a great personality and was a good dancer and had a cool car. Although you'd probably have to ride in the back seat 'cause his nuts would ride shotgun.
Claire: You know what I wish I was doing right now...?
Bender: Uh-uh, watch what you say; Brian here's a cherry.
Brian: A cherry?
Claire: I wish I was on a plane...to France...
Brian: [quietly, to John only] I'm not a cherry.
Bender: When have you ever gotten laid?
Brian: I've laid lots of times.
Bender: Name-one.
Brian: She lives in Canada. I met her at Niagra Falls; you wouldn't know her.
Bender: You ever laid anyone around here? [Brian, nervous that Claire might hear, motions for John to quiet down.] Oh...you and Claire did it...
Claire: What are you talking about?
Brian: Nothing, nothing. [to John] Let's just talk about it later, just drop it--
Claire: --No, drop what? What are you talking about?
Bender: Well, in addition the number of girls in the Niagra Falls area, that currently you and he are riding the hobby horse.
Claire: Little pig!
Brian: No, I'm not, I'm--John said I was I cherry, I said I wasn't! That's it! That's all that was said!
Bender: Well, then what were you motioning to Claire for?
Claire: You know, I don't appreciate this, Brian.
Brian: He is lying!
Bender: Oh, you weren't motioning to Claire?
Brian: [hesitantly] You know he's lying, right?
Bender: Were you, or were you not, motioning to Claire?
Brian: Yeah, but it's...it's because I didn't want her to know I was a virgin. [John and Claire stare at him for a moment.] Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm sorry!
Claire: Why didn't you to want me to know you were a virgin?
Brian: 'Cause it's personal business! It's my personal, private business!
Bender: Well, Brian, it doesn't look like you have any business.
Claire: I think it's OK for a guy to be a virgin.
[John and Brian stare at Claire]
Brian: Really?
[Claire nods yes]

View Quote Vernon: Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon himself to go to the gymnasium. I'm sorry to inform you, you're going to be without his services for the rest of the day.
Bender: B-O-O H-O-O.
Vernon: Everything's a big joke, huh Bender? The false alarm you pulled, Friday, false alarms are really funny, aren't they? What if your home, what if your family--what if your dope was on fire?
Bender: Impossible, sir; it's in Johnson's underwear.
[Andrew laughs.]
Vernon: You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's bitchin', is that it? Lemme tell you something. Look at him, he's a bum. You wanna see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years! You'll see how goddamn funny he is! What's the matter, John? You gonna cry? Let's go...
[Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder.]
Bender: Hey, keep your ****in' hands off me! I expect better manners from you, Dick!

View Quote Andrew [referring to his act of taping a classmate's buttocks together]: The bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda...he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and...and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation...****ing humiliation he must've felt. It must've been unreal...I mean, I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I ****ing hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore..."Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!" You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give...and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me.
Bender: I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling.
Brian: It's like me, you know, with my grades. Like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I, when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't.
Claire: What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?
Brian: 'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um--and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on. My light didn't go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life. When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. 'Cause I thought, I'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average.
Bender: Why'd you think it'd be easy?
Brian: Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?
Bender: I take shop. You must be a ****in' idiot!
Brian: I'm a ****in' idiot because I can't make a lamp?
Bender: No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
Brian: What do you know about Trigonometry?
Bender: I could care less about Trigonometry.
Brian: Bender, did you know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering?
Bender: Without lamps, there'd be no light.

View Quote Brian: So, so on Monday...what happens?
Claire: Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?
Brian: Yeah.
Claire: Do you want the truth?
Brian: Yeah, I want the truth.
Claire: I don't think so.
Allison: With all of us, or just John?
Claire: All of us...
Andrew: That's a real nice attitude, Claire!
Claire: Oh, be honest, Andy. If Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sportos. I know exactly what you'd do; you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!
Andrew: No way...
Allison: 'Kay, what if I came up to you?
Claire: Same exact thing.
Bender: You are a bitch!
Claire: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?
Bender: No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell 'em that you're gonna like who you wanna like!
Claire: Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me.
Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you don't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends, so you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor-rich-drunk mother in the Caribbean!
Claire: SHUT UP!!!
Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget it! 'Cause it's never gonna happen! Just bury your head in the sand, and wait for your ****in' prom!
Claire: I hate you!
Bender: Yeah? Good!

View Quote That man...is a brownie hound.

View Quote [to Allison, who is biting her nails] You keep eating your hand and you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.

View Quote Hey, homeboy, why don't you go close that door. We'll get the prom queen... impregnated.

View Quote I know, it's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And...[looking at the Molière book]...Mo-Lay really pumps my 'nads.

View Quote Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

View Quote [to Claire] You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?

View Quote [to Brian, planning to take some of Brian's lunch] What are we having?

View Quote Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

View Quote Chicks, cannot hold dey smoke! That's what it is!

View Quote Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong. But we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.