Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

You know I like Snack pack, why can't you just give me the snack pack?

( after Ernie hangs up the phone ) YOU BLEW IT!

O'Doyle rules!

3rd Grader: Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl
Billy Madison: Kid can't even read.
Ernie: Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
Billy Madison: T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!

3rd Grader: Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants.
Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy Madison: YES! You ain't cool...unless you pee your pants.
3rd Grader: Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. Alright!
Old Farm Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH! That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go.

I can see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words... I'm deaf! Oh, Veronica Vaughn... Sooo hot... Want to touch the hiney... Ruff!

It's nudey magazine day!

He called the shit poop!

Well, I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.

Whoa, whoa whoa, Ms. Lippy! The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for his pupppy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits? You get your ass out there, and you find that fucking dog!

Well, I made the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and, to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.

That's QUACKTASTIC!

Actually, I got this shirt from Frank.

Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?