Jock giving speech: San Dimas High School football rules!!

Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."

Sigmund Freud: I demand einen lawyer.

Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
[air guitar]
Henry VII: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!

[future Ted to himself] Ted! Don't forget to wind your watch!

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

Now where are we, dude? Oh. It's my house.

Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?

Billy! You are handling the oddities of time travel with the greatest of ease!

You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

[responding to Freud's invitation to examine him] Oh, no thanks, I just have a slight Oedipal complex.

Shut up, Ted!

Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

[putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.

[Last line] They do get better.