Joe: Look, Jess. I saw it. She fouled you. She tugged your shirt. You just overreacted, that's all.
Jess: That's not all. She called me a Paki. But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand.
Joe: Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I understand what that feels like.

Jess: Why are you doing this to me, Joe? Every time I talk myself out of it, you come around and make it sound so easy.
Joe: I guess I don't want to give up on you.

Jess: Joe! I'm going! They said I could go!
[Joe & Jess hug tightly]
Men in Background: Oi, oi, oi!
Jess: I'm sorry, I forgot.
Joe: That's okay now. I'm not your coach anymore. We can do what we want.
[Joe leans in to kiss Jess. Jess wants to, but pulls back]
Jess: Joe...
Joe: Your dad's not here, is he?
Jess: Joe... I'm sorry.
Joe: What?
Jess: I can't
Joe: Can I ask why?
Jess: Letting me go to America is a big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you too.
Joe: I understand
[Both sorrowfully hug each other tightly]

Jules: Me and Jess were fighting because we both fancy our coach... Joe.
Paula: [pause] Joe, a man, Joe?
Jules: [exasperated] Yeah, as in male, Joe! Joe, our coach, Joe, man, Joe!

Mrs. Bhamra: [after having agreed to let Jess go to America] At least I taught her full Indian dinner, the rest is up to God.

Jess: I'm sorry I missed that penalty, coach.
Joe: It's okay, losing to the Jerries on penalties comes natural to you English. You're part of tradition now!

Joe: Look, I can't let you go without knowing.
Jess: What?
Joe: That even with the distance, and it concerns your family, we might still have something. Don't you think?

Joe: You're lucky... to have a family that cares that much about you. I can understand you don't want to mess with it.
Jess: Joe...
Joe: And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. You better get back.

All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!

Jules: Anyway being a lesbian's not that big a deal
Paula: Oh no of course not sweetheart no. I mean I've got nothing against it. I was cheering for Martina Navratilova as much as the next person.

Tony: Well you fancying your gorah coach is OK with me. Besides, he's quite fit!

Don't tell me. The offside rule is when the French mustard has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.

Dressmaker: [about Jess's breasts] Don't worry, Miss Bahmra. Our designs will make even these little mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangoes!

Wedding videographer: Eyes down. Don't smile. Indian bride never smiles. You'll ruin the bloody video!

Woman at Party: [to Jess about marriage] Now do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with full beard and turban?