[Max gasps, as if about to comment on Penguin's appearance]
I believe the word you're looking for is... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!! [pause] Actually... this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably... and dying from the noxious pollutants you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? You tell me.
[to himself]
My god, it's true. The Penguin-Man of the sewer...
[The Penguin goes through umbrellas concealing various weapons]
Odd as it may seem, Max... you and I have something in common. We're both perceived as monsters. But, somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am... to date... not!
[regains confidence]
Frankly, I feel that's a bum rap. I'm a businessman. Tough, yes, shrewd, okay, but that doesn't make me a monster--
[Penguin loosens an umbrella featuring a hypnotic spiral. He then spins it, making the spiral twirl.]
Don't embarrass yourself, Max. I know all about you. What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?!
[regarding the umbrella]
Is that supposed to hypnotize me?
No. Just give you a splitting headache!
Well it's not working--
[Penguin "fires" the umbrella at Max with a deafening gunshot; Max reels back in alarm] [cackles]
You big baby! Just blanks. I mean, seriously - would I go through all this trouble tonight just to kill you? No, Max. I have an entirely other purpose. [turns solomn and sad] Thing is... I've been lingering down here too long. It's high time for me to ascend. To re-emerge... with your help, your know-how, your savvy. I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. I come from...
[He indicates a hole up to the surface]
Like you. And, like you, I want some respect! A recognition of my basic humanity! But most of all... I want to find out who I really am. By finding my parents. Learning my human name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted!
[skeptical]
And exactly why am I gonna help you?
[He gropes inside, and takes out a flask, opening it and pouring an eerie green liquid out onto a slab of stone. It hisses and dissovles part of it on contact.]
First... a batch of toxic waste, from your "clean textile plant". There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back!
[not worried]
That could've come from anywhere.
What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City?
If there were such documents - and that's not an admission - I would have seen to it they were shredded.
[He next gets out some paper - shredded and stuck back together]
... But a little patience - and a LOT of tape - make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner?
[rattled]
Fred? He's... actually, he's been on an extended vacation, and... well, I think he's good.
[He reaches into the stocking again - and pulls out a severed hand] [scarily cheerful voice]
"HIYA, MAX! REMEMBER ME?! I'M FRED'S HAND! YEAH, YOU WANNA MEET ANY OTHER BODY PARTS?!" [normal, dangerous] Remember, Max: you flush it, I flaunt it.
[Max considers briefly]
You know what, Mr... Penguin, sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out.
You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck.
[He shakes Max's hand - using Fred's severed one and leaving Max holding it]
Ok, Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me!
Actually, it's a lot like that.
You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for. You're the second man who's killed me this week, but I've got 7 lives left.
I tried to save you.
Mmm... seems like every woman you try to save winds up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe you should retire.
Please. I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
Ya lousy minx!!! I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals!
Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.
You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
You might be right.
There aren't a lot of reflective surfaces down in the sewer? (everyone laughs)
It could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood. (everyone laughs again)
(to himself, confused)
Your nose could... gushing blood? (to Penguin) What do you mean by that--? (Penguin bites his nose)
[After escaping from a mob, Penguin returns to his underground lair. The place is packed with penguins, who rush to greet him]
My babies... they missed me...
Great speech, Oswald--
[knocks him aside]
MY NAME IS NOT OSWALD! IT'S PENGUIN! I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING!!! I AM AN ANIMAL!!!!! COLD-BLOODED!!!!!!!!
I mean killing sleeping children... isn't that a little...
You don't really think you'll win, do you?
Things change.
