The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot quotes

[to Max] Actually... this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably, and dying from the noxious pollutants you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? You tell me.

Odd as it may seem, Max, you and I have something in common. We're both perceived as monsters. But somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am... to date... not!

[about his parents] I just want to know... why they did what they felt they had to do... to a child who was born... a little different. A child... who spent his first Christmas - and many since - in a sewer...

A penguin is a bird that cannot fly! I am a man. I have a name. [pauses, reluctant to accept it] ... Oswald Cobblepot!

I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two! But it's human nature to fear the unusual. [After visiting his parents' grave]

[to Batman, after they both encounter Catwoman] I saw her first. Gotta fly!

[to a crowd of voters] I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by, helpless AS a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle-scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!

[seeing Catwoman] Just the pussy I've been looking for.

[to Catwoman] Why should I trust some Cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.

[to Catwoman] You're beauty and the beast in one luscious Christmas gift pack.

Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched pinhead puppets of Gotham!... You gotta admit, I've played this stinking city like a harp from hell!

[after a failed attempt to kill Batman] He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!

[when an angry crowd throws various things at him] Why is it that someone always brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!


[showing up at Max's party] You didn't invite me, so I crashed!

Right now, my troops are fanning out across town, for your children! Yes - for your first-born sons! The ones you left helpless at home, so you could get juiced on Max's Shreggnog, and dress up like jerks, and dance, badly!

[addressing his penguin army] My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all of God's children! First, second, third and fourth-born! Why be biased?! Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY-HIGH!!! FORWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD MARCH!!! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!!!!!

They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' 'em on a slab!

[fighting Batman] You're just jealous 'cause I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask!

But what it all comes down to is, who's holding the umbrella?!

[Poisoned by toxic waste after falling into the sewer water, he aims an umbrella (normally armed with a gun) at Batman, only to reveal a child-entertainer one] AUGH! SHIT! I PICKED THE CUTE ONE... UGH, AGHH!... This heat's gettin' to me... AUGH... I'll murder you momentarily... [chokes] But first... I need a cold drink of iced water... [falls over gurgling and choking, dead]

I believe the word you're looking for is 'Aaaaaaaaaah!!!'.

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