N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The Joker quotes

Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Batman...Batman! Can somebody tell me what kind of a world do we live in, where a man dressed as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!

I have given a name to my pain... and it is Batman. [shoots the TV in which he is watching]

Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.

[before shooting Grissom] Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me...Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.

[In response to Rotelli's question about his grin] Life's been good to me.

[In response to Rotelli's refusal to accept his proposal] Well, Tony. Nobody wants a war. Why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it. [proceeds to electrocute Rotelli with a lethally electric joy buzzer]

Antoine got a little hot under the collar. (laughs)

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

[to Bob] And remember. You...are my number one...guy.

[To Rotelli's smoking corpse] You are vicious bastard, Rottelli. [strangles him] And I'm glad you're dead!

I saw it! I was there. I saw it all. He reached up with his dead hand and he signed it in his own blood. ...and he did it with this pen. Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check.

The truly mightier than the sword!

New, improved Joker products with a new secret ingredient: Smiley.

That luscious tan, those ruby lips, and hair color so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure. I know what you're saying: where could I find these brand, new item? That's the gag. Chances are, you bought them already!

So, remember, put on a happy face!

[to Goons] Gentlemen! Let's broaden our minds.

[after Vicki calls him insane] Oh! I thought I was a Pisces!

[after Vicki splashes some water on his face] Oh shit! Oh! I'm melting! I'm melting! I'm melting! God! Ahhhhhhh...[uncovers his face and frightens Vicki] Boo [laughs].

I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.

Where does he get all those wonderful toys?

I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep. [laughs]

Never rub another man's rhubarb!

Tell me something, my friend. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true, under that fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge.

Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a killer. I am an artist. I love a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!

At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Now don't worry about me, I've got enough.

[to Batman] I have taken off my makeup. Now let's see if you can take off yours.

And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? He's at home, washin' his tights!

Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't anyone tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun. [Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him] I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.

Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch. Come to me, come on!

[Courting Vicki Vale] It's as though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.

[Referring to Batman] Why can't he just stay dead?

[Puts on glasses] You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh? [Batman punches him]

[to the gargoyle] What are you laughin' at?!

[Visiting Vicki Vale's apartment] Nice place... lots of... space.

[His last words] Sometimes I just kill myself!

[To Batman] You IDIOT! You made me! Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals! That wasn't easy to get over! And don't think that I didn't try.

Can it truly be said that I have a bat, in my belfry?

[to Vicki Vale] You know, without you, I just couldn't go on [puts his gun to his head - it is a fake - Vicky screams, he laughs]

["in the commercial'] He's been using Brand X...

["to Bob"] You must possess strength to inflict pain, Bob. We've got a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.

[" to Vicki"] Darling, I've gotta get you to the church on time.

  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the