BASEketball quotes

View Quote Robert Stack: The police have pieced together numerous theories on Coop's whereabouts.
Doug Remer: I have no ****ing clue where the hell he is. For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet!
Robert Stack: Scenario One: He's hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet.
Jenna Reed: You want to know where Coop is? Just look for where the most heinous, vile, horrible exploitation of children takes place.
Robert Stack: Scenario Two: Coop is at Disney Land.

View Quote Joe Cooper: Hey pig****er, can I call you pig****er?
Doug Remer: No, only my friends can call me pig****er.

View Quote Joe Cooper: [Squeak is trying to shut off their gas] Shoot for it.
Kenny Scolari: Shoot for it? What are you, insane? This is my job, you assholes!
Joe Cooper: Right, so just shoot for it. And if you get it in, you can shut off our gas and we'll never call you "Squeak" again.
Kenny Scolari: Or bitch.
Doug Remer & Joe Cooper: [Coop and Reemer exchange looks] Or bitch.
Kenny Scolari: [Squeak lines up, ready to shoot] All right. Check this shit out.
Joe Cooper: Steve Perry.
Kenny Scolari: Huh?
[shoots and misses, ball bounces off roof and hits dog]
Doug Remer: Tough break, Squeak.
Joe Cooper: Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch.
[agitated dog growls, and rocks gate vigorously]

View Quote [in Cartman's voice]
Hey, you guys, seriously, I'm ****in' fat. Seriously, you guys, I'm ****in' fat as ****.
[with Australian accent] How to speak San Franciscan?

View Quote Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... ****!

View Quote [He pulls Squeak's shorts down, revealing his bottom]
Vagina!
If I had a nickel for every time that ball saved me, I'd have a shitload of nickels!

View Quote Joe Cooper: I'm not gonna do it, dude, end of story!
Doug Remer: Dude!
Joe Cooper: Dude!
Doug Remer: Dude!
Joe Cooper: Dude!
Doug Remer: Dude!
[Coop looks shocked]
Doug Remer: Dude.
Joe Cooper: I guess you have a point.

View Quote Listen to me little bitch! You either go out there and make that shot or I'm gonna shove your head so far up your ****in' ass, you'll have to wear yourself as a hat!

View Quote Joe Cooper: Who's this guy?
Doug Remer: He's my entertainment lawyer. He's helping me with my movie contract.
Joe Cooper: Now you're such a big shot you're gonna act in a Hollywood movie? ****ing sellout.

View Quote I hear your mom's going out with......SQUEAK

View Quote Referee 1: What's the matter with Coop?
Referee 2: I don't know, but he's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater!

View Quote Yeah. I made it myself, you know. If I had a nickel for every time this ball pulled me out of a tight spot, I'd have a shitload of nickels.

View Quote Kenny Scolari: I am not going out with his sister!
Joe Cooper: Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out.
Doug Remer: Yeah, ya gotta say totally ****ed up shit to psych them out.
Kenny Scolari: Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally ****ed up?

View Quote Joe Cooper: With that new liver he'll be peeing like a champ in no time!
Jenna Reed: That's kidneys, Coop.

View Quote Surgeon: Has there been a rise in his fluid intake? SWEET JESUS! His sodium levels are through the roof!
Surgery Nurse: I don't get it. He's eight years old and he smells like Robert Downey Jr.