Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me quotes

52 total quotes (ID: 51)

Austin Powers
Deleted Scenes
Doctor Evil
Fat Bastard


Felicity: What do you think of these, my man?
[Felicity exposes her breasts to the guard]
Guard: Mommy!
[Guard rushes foward and plunges to his death in hot magma]
Austin: What a... burn. [laughs]
Austin: That sort of thing could get a man... fired. [laughs]
Austin: I think he was... hot... for... you. [laughs]
Felicity: That's enough.
Austin: Yeah.


Frau: You know I will never love another man.
Dr. Evil: ...Well, yes. That's true.

General Hawk: Sir, are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
The President: Would you miss it?

Ivana: Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
Austin: Excuse me?
Ivana: Ivana Humpalot.
Austin: And Ivana Toilet-Seat-Made-Out-Of-Solid-Gold, but its just not in the cards now, is it? [laughs]

Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin: Mm, I can guess, baby.
Ivana: We play chess.
Austin: I guessed wrong.

Jerry Springer: You know, what have we learned here today? Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. You can look around all you want, but what you're really tryin' to find is on the inside. Take care of yourself and each other.

Johnson: [Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
Jet Pilot: Dick.
Dick: Yeah?
Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous--
Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying--
Musician: Willie.
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a giant--
Colonel: Johnson?!
Johnson: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
Later, as Dr. Evil is escaping: Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?
Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge--
Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or--
Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?
Son: Dad? What's that? points at rocket
Dad: I don't know, son, but it's got great big--
Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some-- Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband's--
Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
One-eyed Monster: jumps out and scares crowd, then points to the rocket Hey, what's that? It looks like a big--
female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. [Sees rocket] Oh my lord.
Female fan: It's big!
Woody: Nah, I've seen bigger, it's--
Dr. Evil: (To Mini-Me) Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space.

Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: (smug laugh to himself) Why make trillions when we could make... (zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause) Billions? (he happily grins)
Scott: A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
Dr. Evil: All right, zip it.
Scott: You- you can't even--
Dr. Evil: Zip it! Zi-i-ip.
Scott: Look, all I'm-
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
Scott: Number Two, would you please back me-
Dr. Evil: Look! I'm "Zippy" Longstocking!
Scott: Argh, I can't--
Dr. Evil: (to Devo's "Whip It") When a problem comes along, you must zip it! (imitates whip) Zip it good!
Scott: Frau, would you please-
Dr. Evil: (speaks faux Japanese)... Subtitle: "Zip it".
Scott: I'm just trying to-
Dr. Evil: Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my "zipple"?
Scott: I want--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: Stop.
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: All you--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: You--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: You're like a child!
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: Talk--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: If you just--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: Just--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: One time--
Dr. Evil: Zip it. Unveil the time portal.

Robin Swallows: My name is Robin Swallows, maiden name Spitz.
Austin: Well, which one is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows?

Scott: Mom?
Frau: Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil.
Scott: I thought I was a test-tube baby.
Frau: Lies. ALL LIES!!!!
(Jerry Springer and the audience are shocked at said shout)

(Frau shoots Austin's gun, Austin quickly drops his gun, Austin runs back to the main chamber to use the time machine)
Dr.Evil: (Without his speaker unit on. Mouths "Good work" to Frau.)
(Frau doesn't hear him)
Dr.Evil: (Still without his speaker unit on. Yells "Good work" to Frau, and is barely heard)
(Frau still doesn't hear him)
Dr.Evil: (Turns on his speaker unit.) (yells) Good work! (winces in pain at volume. Falls down)

[Austin chases Dr. Evil who is wearing a space suit with helmet]
[Austin shoots and hits Dr. Evil in his thigh]
Austin: Gotcha!
[Dr.Evil sits up and switches on his speaker unit]
Dr.Evil: Owww! You shot me, you a-hole!
[Dr.Evil switches off his speaker unit]
Austin: And now I'm going to kill you!
[Dr.Evil switches on his speaker unit]
Dr.Evil: But before you do...
[Dr.Evil stands up and in a deep voice]
Dr.Evil: Know this. [pause]
Dr.Evil: Austin. [Heavy, Darth Vader style breathing/voice] I am your father.
Austin: Really?
Dr.Evil: [normal voice] No. Not really. I can't back that up.

[Austin picks up a boiling pot, with a stool sample from Fat Bastard inside]
Austin: Cor blimey, Basil— this coffee smells like shit.
Basil: It is shit, Austin.
Austin: Oh good, then it's not just me. [he drinks and smacks his lips while everyone else there looks on with disgust] It's a bit nutty.

(As Robin Swallows and Austin fall from Austin's apartment.) Robin Swallows: The fall will kill us both, Powers!
(Austin moves Swallows in front of him to both break his fall and kill her as well. They land hard on the sidewalk.) Robin Swallows: You can't win, Powers.
(Patty O'Brien looks over the edge, reloads his submachine gun and opens fire.) Austin: Why won't you die?!

[To Felicity] Of course I'm not happy! Look at me, I'm a big fat slob! I've got bigger titties than you do! I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book! I've not seen my willy in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead! [On the verge of tears] I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive...myself. [Farts] Sorry. I farted.