Jebidiah Allardyce "Cookie" Farnsworth quotes

[Serves everyone the same, nondescript slop] For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.

I got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whisky and lard.

Dang lightning-bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison. Don't everybody jump up at once.

They can smell fear just by lookin' at ya. So keep quiet.

Vinny: You didn't just drink that, did you?!
Milo: Mm-hmm.
Vinny: That's not good! That's nitroglycerin!
[Milo holds his breath]
Vinny: Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything. Except pray, maybe...
Mole: [jumps up behind Milo, scaring him] BOOM!
[Vinny and Mole laugh]

Rourke: Looks like we hit a roadblock. [looks to Vinny] What do you think, Vinny?
Vinny: I could unroadblock that if I had about two hundred of these [points to a stick of TNT in his hand]... Only problem is I got about [counts on fingers] ten, plus, [pulls up a small bag] five of my own... Couple of cherry bombs... [pulls out a flare]... Road flare...
[Rourke just looks at Vinny]
Vinny: Hey! Too bad we don't have some nitroglycerin, eh, Milo? [Milo gives Vinny a "drop dead" look while Mole laughs]

Commander Rourke: Looks like all our chances for survival rest with you, Mr Thatch. You and that little book.
Packard: We're all gonna die.

Milo: Thanks, Cookie, that looks... greasier than usual.
Cookie: Ya like it? Well have some more. You're so skinny that if you stood sideways and stuck out your tongue, you'd look like a zipper.

Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.
Mole: I will go!
Vinny: Someone with good people skills.
Mole: I will do it!
Dr. Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.
Mole: I volunteer!
Packard Someone who can speak the language.
Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!
Commander Rourke: [to Milo, who is not paying attention] Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.
[Mole cries]

Sweet: Hold on, back up! Are you saying this whole volcano can blow at any time?
Mole: No, no, no, no. That would take an explosive force of great magnitude.
[Everyone looks at Vinny, who is fiddling with a time bomb.]
Vinny: Maybe I should do this later, huh?

[Mole's digger breaks down.]
Audrey: I don't get it. I just tuned this thing up this morning...
[Audrey climbs into vehicle and throws random bolts and pipes out.]
Audrey: [from inside digger] It looks like the boiler's shot. I'm gonna have to pull a spare from one of the trucks.
Milo: Uh, could I just...
Audrey: ¡No toques nada! I'll be right back [walks away]
[ Milo grabs Audrey's wrench and begins turning valves, then hits it. The vehicle starts again.]
Mole: SHE LIVES!
Audrey: Hey, what'd you do?
[Milo starts raving on about how the boiler is like the Smithsonian's]
Audrey: Yeah, yeah, thank you very much.
[Audrey spins around to face milo, her hand clenched in a fist. Milo flinches]
Audrey: Two for flinching.
[Audrey punches Milo twice. Mole laughs at him.]

Audrey: Rourke! We got a big hit and we're taking in water fast! I don't wanna be around when it hits the boilers!
Rourke: How much time do we have?
Audrey: 20 minutes, if the bulkhead holds.
[BOOM!]
Audrey: You better make that 5.
Rourke: You heard the girl. Let's move!
Milo: Move where?
Helga: Packard, let's go!
Packard: [on the phone] And he took his suitcase? Marge, honey, I don't think he's coming back.
Helga: PACKARD!
Packard: Gonna have to call you back. [slight pause] No-no, I'll call you.

Milo: Excuse me, you dropped your dy... dy... dynamite! [Nervous laugh] What else have you, uh, got in there?
Vinny: Oh, er... Gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and... paper clips - big ones. You know, just, uh, office supplies.

Milo: Any advice?
Vinny: Yeah -- don't get shot.

Sweet: The name's Sweet, Joshus Sweet. Medical officer.
Milo: Yeah. Milo Thatch.
Sweet: Milo Thatch, you're my three o'clock! [reaches into his back and pulls out a saw] Well, no time like the present.
Milo: [stares at the saw] Oh boy!
Sweet: Nice, isn't it? The catalogue says that this little beauty can saw through a femur in 28 seconds. I'm betting I can cut that time in half! [puts the saw away and comes out with a tongue depresser] Now, stick out your tongue and say "Ah"!
Milo: Well, I don't-- [gahs then grunts as Sweet puts the stick into his mouth]
Sweet: So where're you from? [Milo grunts something] Really? I have family up that way! Beautiful country up there! You do any fishing?
Milo: Oh...a little...
Sweet: Me? I hate fishing. I hate fish. Hate the taste, hate the smell and I hate all them little bones. [as he speaks he does several things from puting the depresser away to taking Milo's pulse, then finally pulls up two bottles] Here, I'm gonna need you to fill these up.
Milo: [spits] With what?!
Packard: [on tannoy] Would Milo Thatch please report to the bridge?
Milo: Thank you... I mean, nice meeting you. [runs off]
Sweet: [watching Milo run off] U-huh, nice meeting you too.
[Mole watches quietly the whole while]

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