Army of Darkness quotes

View Quote Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah, basically.
Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

View Quote Ash: Klaatu verata nikto.
Wiseman: Well, repeat them.
Ash: Klaatu verata nikto.
Wiseman: Again.
Ash: I got it, I got it! I know your damn words, alright?

View Quote Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.

View Quote Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?
Ash: Name's Ash. [****s rifle] Housewares.

View Quote Deadite Captain: Welcome back to the land of the livin' ... Now pick up a shovel and get digging!

View Quote Alright, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my boomstick! - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart. Shop S-Mart... You got that?!!

View Quote Deadite Sheila: I may be bad, but I feel good.

View Quote Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.

View Quote Possessed Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!

View Quote Maybe. Just maybe my boys can protect the book. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.

View Quote Evil Ash: [to his skeleton minions, who are digging up corpses in a graveyard] Dig, damn you! Dig faster! I shall command every worm-infested son-of-a-bitch that ever died in battle!
Skeleton: Thank you, sir!

View Quote Sheila: [Being handled by Evil Ash] Don't touch me! You foul thing!
Evil Ash: You're gonna learn to love me, missy.
Sheila: The Promised One will come for you.
Evil Ash: Darlin' I'm gonna save him the trouble.

View Quote Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and... things with molecular structures and the-

View Quote Deadite: I'll cut your gizzard out!

View Quote My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend; Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumarrian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it. so It came back. Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?!