The United States government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?

This is one order you shouldn't follow and you FUCKING know it!

United States astronauts train for years. You have twelve days.

We win, Gracie!

We're staying, we're going, we're staying, we're going, make up your mind!

When the rogue comet went through the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 11 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid its self hits the water, it's still hitting land. It will slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about 3 miles high, flash boil millions of gallons of sea water. It will hit the West Coast and wash up in Denver. Japan is gone, Australia is wiped out. Half of the Earth's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a nuclear winter. Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

Wow. Got a great view of the Earth from here. Too bad we'll never set foot on her again.

You wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12. Big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22. Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princeton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, okay?