I know what you're thinking. And the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called The Octagon. But I've also nicknamed my testes. The left one is James Westfall, and the right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you might just get to meet the whole gang.

[to Ron] From deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me, I pure, straight hate you. But goddammit, do I respect you!

[trying to woo Veronica the first time] Hello. I couldn't help but notice you from across the party, and... I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have... the most breathtaking... hiney. I mean that thing is good. I wanna be friends with it. [...] Do you know who I am? [...] I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. [...] People know me. [...] I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

[describing Veronica] Oooh, she has got a big ole' behind! I mean, I'd like to slap some barbecue sauce on that big ol' butt and just uh burr burr burr burr burrrr. OOwwwwooooo!!!!

Angry Biker: Hey Broseph! Did you just throw a burrito out the window? Angry Biker: Now this is happenin'! [kicks Baxter over a bridge] Frank Vitchard: Oh, yeah? Well, you're about to be in . . . dead place! Frank Vitchard: I am going to straight-up murder your ass! Frank Vitchard: [after getting his arm chopped by a blade, out of nowhere] Ugh! I did not see that coming! Frank Vitchard: [after getting his other arm ripped off by a bear] Oh, COME ON! It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous! Arturo Mendes: ¿Comó están, Beetches! Spanish language news is here! Today's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood! Arturo Mendes: ¡Policia! News Announcer: Here's tonight's Channel 4 News, with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor, Ron Burgundy, and Tits McGee. Public TV News Anchor: Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy! Tino: They have a saying in my country for people like him [to Veronica Corningstone about Ron Burgundy] The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young. Where the blood drips down to the children for breakfast, lunch and dinner... only the ribs will be broken into two... ôôôôä

"I woke up in this Japanese family's rec-room and they would NOT stop screaming."

"[describing the morning after big party]"i woke up this s'morning and i shit a squirrel, literally... the hell of it is, the damn things still alive, now i got this, shit covered squirrel down there in the office, don't know what to name it..."

Ron Burgundy: (lifting weights) 1001, 1002, 1003.
Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's a deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting, I did over a thousand.

Garth Holliday: [sobbing incoherently] Coming out with stink like that...poop...you poop-mouth, there's poop coming out of your mouth...
Ron Burgundy: Garth, if I were to give you some money from out of my wallet.... would that help ease the pain? [glances at Ed for approval]
Garth Holliday: [crying] I hate you Ron Burgundy, I hate you!

I'm all about having a good time. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen or go to Sea World, take my pants off.

Brian Fantana: Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. It's a formidable scent, it stings the nostrils...in a good way.
Brian Fantana: [daubing the cologne on his neck] Yup.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. They say 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make any sense.

[Ron Burgundy asked Champ if he got lucky last night?] Oh no, last night... oh, I stayed home for awhile, drank about six bottles of white wine, pissed my pants, so I drove down to Mexico, and shot some stray dogs. You know, pretty much standard Tuesday night.

I am a man! I am an ANCHORman! [...] I'm a man who invented the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it!

Champ Kind: What's this?
Wes Mantooth: Well, well, well, Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team.
Ron Burgundy: Hello, Wes Mantooth, Hello, Evening News team.
Wes Mantooth: Nice clothes, gentlemen! I didn't know that the Salvation Army was having a sale. Am I right? Am I right? Look at these guys!
Brick Tamland: Hey, where did you get those clothes, the...toilet...store?
Wes Mantooth: What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? You're about to get a serious beat down.
Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, leave the mothers out of this. It's unnecessary. Besides, I'm sure Wes here is just upset about finishing second in the ratings again.
Wes Mantooth: That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. You know those rating systems are flawed. They don't take in account houses that have... uh... more than two television sets... and...other things of that nature.
Ron Burgundy: I guess I have to take you at your word, No. 2. You have a great day, fellas, we'll see you around the bend.