Dr. Hirsch: Did you get a good look at the man who attacked you?
David: I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog.
Dr. Hirsch: Yes.
David: Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands.
Dr. Hirsch: You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of.
David: Did you see Jack?
Dr. Hirsch: No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here.
David: Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb?
Dr. Hirsch: I really don't know.
David: Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that.
Dr. Hirsch: David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly.
David: You really think I'm crazy, don't you?
Dr. Hirsch: Believe me. The Hound of the Baskervilles was an invention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's. And if you'd read the bloody book, you'd find that Holmes discovered your hound of hell a fraud, a fake. [pause] Now really, David. You're far too intelligent to go on this way. When you return to America I want you to seek out a competent psychiatrist or psychologist or something and stop this nonsense. You'll be leaving this hospital in three or four days, please remain sane. At least until you are no longer our responsibility.

David: What are you doing here?
Jack: I wanted to see you.
David: Okay, you've seen me. Now go away.
Jack: David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on.
David: I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf.
Jack: Yes.
David: Get out of here, Jack!
Jack: David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become....
David: A monster. I know, I know.
Jack: You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late.
David: Jack, are you really dead?
Jack: What do you think?
David: I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream.
Jack: You must believe me.
David: What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit!
Jack: The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! Goddamnit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life!
David: I will not accept this! Now go away!
...
Jack: This is not pretend, David.
David: I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!

[to Dr. Hirsch] Doctor, my memory is fine! It's my sanity I'm beginning to worry about.

[to himself, as he realizes he is locked out of Alex's flat] An American werewolf was found frozen to death today in the heart of London, England.

I'm sorry I called you a meat loaf, Jack.

[Trying to get arrested in Trafalgar Square] Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French! Shit! Fuck! Piss!

[calling home] Hello? Rachel? Just say yes, you'll accept the charges. Just say yes, Rachel. Is Mom or Dad home? Where are they? Where's Max? You're all alone? Mom and Dad would never leave me alone when I was ten. No, not ten and a half, either. I'm still in London. I'm all better. Look, would you tell Mom and Dad that I love them? I don't care, Rachel, just do it for me. Okay? Good. And, Rachel, don't fight with Max. Well, try. Look, kid, please don't forget to tell Mom and Dad I love them. I love Max and you, too. Well, I do. No, I'm not being weird, you little creep. You promise? Okay. Be a good girl. I love you. Bye.

[referring to the occult sign on the tavern wall] Remember the Alamo.

[to David] You've suffered some rather severe cuts and bruises, lost a bit of blood, but nothing too serious; black and blue for a while. You'll have some dueling scars to boast of. That lunatic must have been a very fierce fellow. They say a mad man has the strength of ten.

[to Alex] Oh dear girl, your extracurricular activities are of no consequence to me. I don't give a damn who you sleep with. I'm concerned about David.

Man: Beware the moon, lads!

Little boy: A naked American man stole my balloons.

Truck driver: Here, lads, East Proctor and all about are the moors. I go east here.
Jack: Yes, well thank you very much for the ride, sir. You have lovely sheep.
Truck driver: Boys, keep off the moors. Stay on the road. Good luck to you.

[recalling what the driver told them]
David: Keep off the moors.
Jack: And stay on the road.
[they look down to see that they have wandered off the road]
David: Woops.

Jack: Do you think she'll meet me in Rome?
David: I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body.
Jack: Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time.
David: She's a jerk.
Jack: You're talking about the woman I love.
David: I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break.
Jack: Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there?
David: I don't know.
Jack: [like an announcer] Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared....
David: If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you.
Jack: I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really.
David: It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull.
Jack: There is nothing dull about that body.
David: We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that?
Jack: She says she "likes me too much".
[David laughs]