American Wedding

American Wedding quotes

30 total quotes (ID: 33)

Michelle Flaherty
Multiple Characters
Paul Finch
Steve Stiffler


Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire.
Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.


Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.
Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.

Michelle: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?
Jim: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?
Michelle: I'm still a nympho.
Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.

Everyone wants a piece of the Stifmeister.

Happy "**** Day", Ass Mouth! What happened to my invite? Get lost in the mail, ****face?

Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something?
Jim: Hypothetically, Dad.
Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm...
Jim: If-If-If you weren't married.
Jim's Dad: She's a college girl.
Jim: If you were a college guy.
Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.

Michelle: [about Stiffler] Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.
Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "****s" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.

It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-****er. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my **** out.

Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people.
Stifler: They're gay?
Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated.
Stifler: So, they're gay.

Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Stifler: So, you upset about me and Cadence?
Finch: Well, let's see. She wasn't into the intellectual stuff, she actually enjoyed me acting like an imbecile. I don't know, I suppose she's better with you anyway.
Stifler: [pats Finch on the back and smiles] Thanks Shitbreak. [pauses and scowls] ****er. I ****ing hate not hating you.
Finch: [grins] I did **** your Mom...twice.
Stifler: That's better, ****er.

Steve Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite?
Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.

Finch: Stifler's Mom...
Stifler's Mom: You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy.
Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
Finch: And the car.
Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...
Finch: Oh, man. Let's go!

Jim's Dad: Son, step away from the animal...

Stifler: What describes the Stif-miester best?
Jim: He uses the F-word excessively.
Stifler: Really? Thanks, man.