Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out.

Everyone wants a piece of the Stifmeister.

Happy "Fuck Day", Ass Mouth! What happened to my invite? Get lost in the mail, Fuckface?

It's on like Donkey Kong, biotch.

No no no shit head, you hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds? Not to mention that you passed on Nadia, dumbest fucking thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno.

My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls.

Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin] Bang-cock.

If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to.

Jim's Dad: Son, step away from the animal...

Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.
Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.

Michelle: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?
Jim: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?
Michelle: I'm still a nympho.
Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.

Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people.
Stifler: They're gay?
Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated.
Stifler: So, they're gay.

Steve Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite?
Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.

Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire.
Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.