Crumb: You turned yourself into a comic hero?

Danielle: [to Harvey] Joyce is right. You are obsessive-compulsive.

Real Harvey: It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man.

Young Harvey: I ain't no super hero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood, all right?

Mr. Boats: Avoid the reeking herd! Shun the polluted flock! Live like that stoic bird, the eagle of the rock!" You know what that means, son?
Harvey: Yeah. It's from an Elinor Hoyt Wylie poem. It means stay away from the crowds of common ordinary people and do your own thing.
Mr. Boats: Nope, it means don't compromise yourself for women. Ain't gonna do you no good. Get away from them as soon as you can!
Harvey: Well, I ain't got no woman now. So I'm living like the stoic bird, man.
Mr. Boats: The only way to live, son.
Mattress Guy 1: So how smart is she?
Mattress Guy 2: I don't know. I guess she's about average.
Mattress Guy 1: Average? Hey, man. Average is dumb!
Joyce: Hi, Harvey. We finally meet in person.
Harvey: Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.
Joyce: Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.
Harvey: What, you got a headache?
Joyce: No, but I want to avoid one.

[referring to David Letterman] Megalomaniac.

[regarding "Revenge of the Nerds"] Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.

[to Harvey] You know, you should try believing in something bigger than yourself. It might cheer you up.

Danielle Batone -- Real Danielle

Donal Logue -- Stage Harvey

Earl Billings -- Mr. Boats

Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle.

Harvey Pekar -- Real Harvey

Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.

Hope Davis -- Joyce Brabner