Bateman: Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again.
Jean: Ummm...what? I didn't hear you.
Bateman: I said "Do not wear that outfit again." Wear a dress. A skirt or something.
Jean: You don't like this, I take it?
Bateman: Come on, you're prettier than that.
Jean: Thanks, Patrick.
[Phone rings]
Bateman: I'm not here. And high heels. I like high heels.

Bateman: Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston had 4 number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie?
Elizabeth: [laughing] You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You own a Whitney Houston CD? More than one?
Bateman: It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Elizabeth, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message, crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album.

Bateman: You like Huey Lewis and the News?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83,I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. [raises axe above head] Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Bateman: Come on, Bryce. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about.
Bryce: Like what?
Bateman: Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.

Bateman: I hope I'm not being cross-examined.
Donald Kimball: Do you feel that way?
Bateman: No, not really.

Bateman: I don't think we should see each other.
Evelyn: But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something...
Bateman: I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I thought about that. You can have'em.

ATM: Feed me a stray cat.

Van Patten: They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.
McDermott: Are you sure that's Paul Allen over there?
Bryce: Yes. McDufus, I am.
McDermott: He's handling the Fisher account.
Bryce: Lucky bastard.
McDermott: Lucky Jew bastard.
Bateman: Oh, Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?
McDermott: Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the phone with CEOs, spinning a fucking menorah. The bastard brought a Hanukkah bush into the office last December.
Bateman: You spin a dreidel, McDermott, not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.
McDermott: Oh, my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some fucking potato pancakes? Some latkes?
Bateman: No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.
McDermott: Oh, I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.

Bateman: Ask me a question.
Daisy: What do you do?
Bateman: I'm into... well murders and executions mostly.
Daisy: Do you like it?
Bateman: It depends. Why?
Daisy: Because most guys I know who work with mergers and acquisitions really don't like it.

Bateman: I think if you stay, something bad will happen. I think I might hurt you. You don't want to get hurt, do you?
Jean: No. No, I guess not. I don't want to get bruised.

Bateman: He was into that whole Yale thing.
Donald Kimball: Yale thing?
Bateman: Yeah, Yale thing.
Donald Kimball: What whole Yale thing?
Bateman: Well, he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
Van Patten: Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar?
Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties.
McDermott: So what did Ed say?
Bateman: When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right.
McDermott: And what did the other part think?
Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick.

[faking a conversation on the phone] Now, John, you've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite do and don'ts, good buddy of wearing a bold striped shirt. A bold stripe shirt calls for solid colored or discreetly patterned suits and ties. [pause] Yes, always tip the stylist 15%. Listen, John, I've gotta go, T. Boone Pickens just walked in. [laughs] Just joking. No, don't tip the owner of the salon. Okay John? Right? Got it.

Bateman: I don't think we should see each other any more.
Evelyn: Why? What's wrong?
Bateman: I need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale. It cannot be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
Evelyn: What about the past?
Bateman: We never really shared one.
Evelyn: You're inhuman.
Bateman: No... .I'm in touch with humanity.

Bateman: Jean! I need help.
Jean: Patrick, is that you?
Bateman: Jean, I'm not...
Jean: Craig McDermott called. He wants to meet you, David Van Patten, and Tim Bryce at Harry's for drinks.
Bateman: Oh, my God... you dumb bitch.
Jean: Patrick! I can't hear you!
Bateman: [Laughs] What am I doing!? Ha!
Jean: Where are you, Patrick? What's wrong?
Bateman: I don't think I'm going to make it, Jean ... to the, uh ... office this afternoon.
Jean: Why?
Bateman: Just say no!
Jean: What is it, Patrick? Are you all right?
Bateman: Stop sounding so fucking... sad. Jesus.