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American Psycho

American Psycho quotes

56 total quotes

Multiple Characters
Patrick Bateman




View Quote Bateman: You like Huey Lewis and the News?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83,I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. [raises axe above head] Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU ****ING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, ****ING BASTARD!
View Quote Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
Van Patten: Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar?
Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties.
McDermott: So what did Ed say?
Bateman: When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right.
McDermott: And what did the other part think?
Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick.
View Quote [Assessing a business card] Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.
View Quote Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and, uh, Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
View Quote [voiceover] As we arrive at Espace I'm on the verge of tears as I'm certain we won't get a decent table. But we do; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.
View Quote Bateman: Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston had 4 number one singles on it? Did you know that, Christie?
Elizabeth: [laughing] You actually listen to Whitney Houston? You own a Whitney Houston CD? More than one?
Bateman: It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks, but "The Greatest Love of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation, dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves. Since, Elizabeth, it's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others, we can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message, crucial really. And it's beautifully stated on the album.
View Quote Van Patten: They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.
McDermott: Are you sure that's Paul Allen over there?
Bryce: Yes. McDufus, I am.
McDermott: He's handling the Fisher account.
Bryce: Lucky bastard.
McDermott: Lucky Jew bastard.
Bateman: Oh, Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?
McDermott: Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the phone with CEOs, spinning a ****ing menorah. The bastard brought a Hanukkah bush into the office last December.
Bateman: You spin a dreidel, McDermott, not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.
McDermott: Oh, my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some ****ing potato pancakes? Some latkes?
Bateman: No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.
McDermott: Oh, I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.
View Quote McDermott: If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who ****ing cares?
Bateman: Well, let's just say hypothetically ok? What if they have a great personality?
[pause, all laugh]
Bateman: I know, I know.
Bateman, McDermott, Van Patten: [in unison] There are no girls with good personalities.
Van Patten: A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb ****ing mouth shut.
McDermott: The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though God knows what the **** that means, are ugly chicks.
Van Patten: Absolutely.
McDermott: And this is because they have to make up for how ****ing unnattractive they are.
View Quote Evelyn: Thousands of roses and lots of chocolate truffles. Godiva, and oysters in the half-shell.
Bateman: [narrating] I'm trying to listen to the new Robert Palmer tape, but Evelyn, my supposed fianc?e, keeps buzzing in my ear.
Evelyn: Annie Leibovitz. We'll get Annie Leibovitz. And we'll have to get someone to videotape. Patrick, we should do it.
Bateman: Do what?
Evelyn: Get married. Have a wedding.
Bateman: No, I can't take the time off work.
Evelyn: Your father practically owns the company. You can do anything you like, silly.
Bateman: I don't want to talk about it.
Evelyn: Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work.
Bateman: Because I want...to fit...in.
View Quote Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.
View Quote Bateman: Is that the Ransom file? Thanks. Don't wear that outfit again.
Jean: Ummm...what? I didn't hear you.
Bateman: I said "Do not wear that outfit again." Wear a dress. A skirt or something.
Jean: You don't like this, I take it?
Bateman: Come on, you're prettier than that.
Jean: Thanks, Patrick.
[Phone rings]
Bateman: I'm not here. And high heels. I like high heels.
View Quote I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
View Quote Pumpkin? Pumpkin, you're dating an asshole. Pumpkin, you're dating the biggest dick-weed in New York. Pumpkin...you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dick-weed.
View Quote [faking a conversation on the phone] Now, John, you've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite do and don'ts, good buddy of wearing a bold striped shirt. A bold stripe shirt calls for solid colored or discreetly patterned suits and ties. [pause] Yes, always tip the stylist 15%. Listen, John, I've gotta go, T. Boone Pickens just walked in. [laughs] Just joking. No, don't tip the owner of the salon. Okay John? Right? Got it.
View Quote I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.