American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim
Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler

View Quote I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

View Quote Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it's your birthday.

View Quote Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

View Quote Nadia: so umm "shaved" is the expression.[Nadia takes off her panties, and Jim is agape.]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: Holy shit!
Garage Band Members (Tom Delonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker of w:Blink 182): [together] Holy shit.
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically laughs] Holy shit!
Stifler's Brother (7 years): this is like the coolest thing i've ever seen.
Steve Stifler: I know.

View Quote Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Oh he's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

View Quote Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

View Quote Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, ****! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

View Quote [On condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

View Quote Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

View Quote Here's an idea: why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and ****ing use them!

View Quote We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

View Quote Vicky: I want it to be the right time, the right place.
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex.

View Quote I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

View Quote You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

View Quote [to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?