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American Pie

American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler

Here's an idea: why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and ****ing use them!

Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Chuck Sherman: I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.

Coach Marshall: I don't want any of you boys thinking that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you score!

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: My friends call me in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

Finch: You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom: I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch: That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom: I've got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

She called me and asked for my number.

I'll see you guys tonight, i'll look for you in the "No ****ing Section", right?

Sherman! What the **** are you doing here?

Vicky. Jessica. [walking away] Bitches!

I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

[On condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...