American Pie 2

American Pie 2 quotes

49 total quotes (ID: 32)

Jim Levenstein
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler


Jim: Was I any good that night?
Michelle: Oh, Jeez, how could I forget? [pregnant pause] You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doin'. But wasn't it fun, even though you were so terrible?
Jim: I-I'm sorry, "terrible?"
Michelle: I've had worse.
Jim: Oh.
Michelle: Oh, sorry. I just, ah, I could give you some pointers, if you want.


Jim: What are you doing here?
Stifler's Brother: Pussy, man! I'm here for the pussy.
Jim: [nonchalant] Take a number.

Kevin: So, how are the twig and giggle-berries this morning?
Jim: Oh, very colorful, my dick looks like a paint-by-numbers.
Stifler: Jim, you're the only guy I know whose dick needs an instruction manual.

Male EMT: [when Stifler jumps onto the ambulance where Jim is being treated] Excuse me, sir, are you a family member?
Stifler: **** no, this is just too good to miss!
Male EMT: Okay sir, you're just gonna have to wait here. All right?
Stifler: [Giving Jim the thumbs-up as the ambulance drives away] Ha-ha! This summer's turned out to be great!

Michelle's Friend: You are so sweet. He is special.
Michelle: He's my bitch.

Michelle: Now don't freak out. I'm gonna do something to push your threshold.
[loud thumping/sucking noise]
Jim: Ow, that's cold. What is that?
Michelle: I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun?

Michelle: Okay, pretend I'm a hot girl. Now what do you want to do?
Jim: I want to feel your boobs.
Michelle: No, you dingbat! You don't just go groping away! You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey!

Nadia: **** me, geek!
Sherman: Affirmative!

Sherman: I am the Sherminator, a sophisticated Sex-Robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky lady.
Nadia: I am lucky lady?
Sherman: That's right Nadia, you've been targeted for Shermination. Come with me if you want to live.

Stifler: Holy shit dude, I found a dildo! [Stifler runs round the house] Dildo! Dildo! Dildo! Big blue rubber dicks for everyone! The people demand rubber dicks!
Jim: What are you doing?
Stifler: Looking for more lesbian artifacts!
[hands Jim the dildo]
Jim: Where did you get this?
Stifler: Finch's ass.
[later]
[trying to return the dildo Stifler found]
Jim: Which room, man? Which room?
Stifler: I can't remember shit, man, I was too excited! I'm in a lesbian stronghold!

Stifler: You're a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stif-meister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby!
Oz: Here's a new idea for you, Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other: you just laugh at the people who do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you: I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.

Trumpet Kid: Are you a guest? Guests belong in the auditorium, you can't be here!
Jim: Do you know where I could find Michelle Flaherty?
Trumpet Kid: Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, a bear came, and then the bear had to be destroyed, which means they shot it in the head with a rifle, and killed it, and it died.
Jim: Yeah, you must know Michelle.

Trumpet Kid: You suck, retard.
Jim: I'm not retarded. I'm a very special boy. [Jim uses the slide of the trombone to hit the kid in the face.]

[Finch and Stifler's Mom are having sex in her car]
Stifler's Mom: Oh, Finchy, I missed you.
Finch: Oh, Janine, Janine.
Stifler's Mom: Call me "Stifler's Mom".
Finch: Oh-AH! [We hear him having a violent orgasm, setting off the car alarm] Ah! Stifler's Mo-o-o-o-o-m!!

[Jim is kissing Michelle's collar bone]
Michelle: Good Jim. Ooh, you're making me wet.
Jim: Holy shit, really?
Michelle: No, I was just saying that so you could practice.
Jim: 'Course.