Airplane! quotes

View Quote Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

View Quote Capt. Oveur: You ever been in a ****pit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Capt. Oveur: You ever...seen a grown man naked?

View Quote Old Lady: Nervous?
Striker: Yes.
Old Lady: First time?
Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.
Elaine: When will you be back?
Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

View Quote Joey: Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock: I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Murdock: The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

View Quote McCroskey: I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.
Johnny: How 'bout Mr. Rogers?

View Quote Male PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

View Quote [To camera, after being rejected by Elaine] What a pisser.

View Quote [In voice over, with echo] I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate) I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate)

View Quote [Looks around, confused -- He hears the echo]
Hello! (...hello! ...hello!) Echo! (...echo! ...echo!)
[Stiffens]
Pinch hitting... for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...!
I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?

View Quote The oil pressure, I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan. [cut to a shot of shit hitting a fan in the airport control room]

View Quote Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wriggle and—

View Quote Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

View Quote Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

View Quote Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

View Quote Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.