Old Lady: Nervous?
Striker: Yes.
Old Lady: First time?
Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.
Elaine: When will you be back?
Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

McCroskey: I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.
Johnny: How 'bout Mr. Rogers?

Capt. Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Capt. Oveur: You ever...seen a grown man naked?

Male PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

[To camera, after being rejected by Elaine] What a pisser.

[In voice over, with echo] I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate) I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate)

[Looks around, confused -- He hears the echo]
Hello! (...hello! ...hello!) Echo! (...echo! ...echo!)
[Stiffens]
Pinch hitting... for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...!
I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?

The oil pressure, I forgot to check the oil pressure. When Kramer hears about this, the shit's gonna hit the fan. [cut to a shot of shit hitting a fan in the airport control room]

Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wriggle and—

Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.