MCrosky : Passengers certain to die!
Kramer  : Airline negligent.
Johnny  : There's a sale at Penny's!
MCrosky : Alright, I'll need 3 men up in the tower. You Newbower, you Maceias. . .

[Capt. Oveur to Joey] Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[In voice over, with echo] I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate) I've got to concentrate! (...concentrate ...concentrate)

[To camera, after being rejected by Elaine] What a pisser.

Airport management, the FAA and the airlines. They're all cheats and liars. All right, lets get outta here.

All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. (repeated several times, once even after the plane has landed)

Joey, do you ever.. hang around the gymnasium?

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Loneliness, that's the bottom line. I was never happy as a child... Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you? It was living hell. Do you know what it's like falling in the mud and getting kicked, in the head? With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does, that never happens. Sorry, Ted, it's a dumb question, skip that.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.