Hey, nice bulbs, Emily. Oh, and I don't mean that metaphorically.

Doug: About the store? You sit around thinking about the store? You're supposed to be thinking about ... (sees two hot ladies) Hey what's up? (to the ladies)
Steve: You want some of this?
Doug: Or a little of that?

Cambi: There you are. We got scared.
Doug: Of who, we'll kick his ass.
Cambi: No we got scared someone stole you away from us.
Doug: Oh... oh, like some other girls would steal us away.
Steve: Oh...OH.

Steve: What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?
Doug: Steve, slow down.
Steve: I can't help it man, it's hottie overload.
Doug: Just pace yourself.
Steve: Ok... What's up?... 2, 3, 4. What's up?... 2, 3, 4...

(Old women asks about fake roses)
Women In Flower Store: How long will they last?
Steve: Well, they'll last forever, cause they're silk. They'll always be there. They'll never die. They'll never change. They'll never say you're not good looking. They'll always be in your room where you left them and not suddenly move out to the guest house

You know, just because you and your brother are having problems, doesn't mean you have to refer to my intellectual capacity in a dimunitive manner.

Steve: Oh my god, Doug. This is the most amazing place I've ever been.
Richard Grieco: Guys, guys. This is the coat room. The club's in here.

So... you guys wanna make out or what?

Hey, Hey, is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Do you know you were doing 50?
Doug: [whispers to Steve] Hottie cop likes you. Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.
Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Just giving you an $80 ticket.
Doug: [whispers to Steve] She is so into you
Hottie Cop: I want you to do me a favor.
Steve: What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".
Hottie Cop: (laughs) Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night
Steve: It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.
[Hottie cop leaves]
Doug: Way to go brother! You got her badge number and you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top. Very nice! Yeah!

New Club Waiter: Mr. Zadir, Dooey just called from Pismo Beach. He says there's no way he could've grabbed your ass.
Mr. Zadir: What is he up to now?

Mr. Zadir: Wait a minute, did you just grab my ass?
Doug: No.
Mr. Zadir: Do you want to?
Doug: No... should I?

Hi. You've reached Doug Butabi. I'm not here right now because I'm too busy outside living it up, unlike my pussy-whipped brother who's too busy throwing his life away for Emily. Beep.

Man, I owe you [pulls out an energy bar called "Big Time"] BIG TIME! For bringing me here!

Steve: I miss Doug!
Kamehl Butabi: He's in the guest house! He's 20 feet away!
Steve: But he doesn't have cable!
Kamehl Butabi: Yes he does! He has Cinemax!
Steve: But there's no HBO! GOD! [runs off crying]